Wednesday, August 13

No Thigh Gap Necessary

|Shirt: Old Navy|Pants: Vintage from Urban Renewal|Shoes: F21|Purse: Aldo|Jewelry: Nordstrom Rack|

Lets get something straight... I am not a fashion blogger.

I did this post awhile back because I wanted the free dress and because I seriously thought the company was worth sharing. NOT because I wanted to become a fashion blogger.

You're probably wondering why I did this post today if I am not trying to be a fashion blogger. Well, to answer that I have to tell you a few other things about myself first.

-I had a baby. That baby made some of my skin have stretch marks, and made other parts flabby, and other parts bigger. The only thing that really got smaller through the process was my self confidence.
-I didn't have the perfect body even before I got pregnant.
-When I was in middle school, before I found out that I had a thyroid disorder, I was one pretty big kid. But even back then my favorite part about myself was my legs, for some reason I just didn't gain weight there.
-I have stayed the same pant size since 7th grade. A size 0. Even the day I delivered Bayli I was wearing my size 0 pants.

So... this year when I heard about the "thigh gap" and realized that I didn't have one, and that I have never had one, even when I weighed a mere 110 pounds in high school. I still didn't have that oh so coveted thigh gap. I started to hate the one part of my body that I have always loved: my legs.

For months it has been this internal hate, stewing. Nothing that I shared with anyone, nothing that I really even complained about. I just was so depressed realizing that I didn't like a single area of my body. If I wasn't spending my time wishing I had a thigh gap I was thinking that my feet were too big and my toes are just gross, my arms can look like sausages if the shirt is too tight, my rib cage is way too broad and big, my hips don't give me any curves, my hair is too thin and won't grow, my freckles look like acne under the right lighting, my smile is crooked because of a scar I got in high school, even my pointer finger looks like it's been broken and points in the wrong direction, and don't even get me started on my belly. I had constantly been thinking this way about myself until...

A few months ago when Garrison and I started talking about when to get pregnant again. I came up with all these reasons to wait to get pregnant, like work, money, vacations, etc. But when he came up with solutions to all my worries, I finally had to admit that I was nervous about getting pregnant because I wanted to lose more weight, and get that "perfect body" first.

Well, I could talk about how much my husband told me that he loves every inch of my body, and how he thinks I already have "the perfect body" but I'm not going to. I'm going to talk about Bayli. The girl who was created by my body.

It's for her.

That's the answer to your question about why I am doing this cliche' fashion blogger post today. I am doing it for my daughter Bayli, and for my future children that this body will create.

I did these pictures with my second day, unwashed, no extensions, hairstyle. I'm only wearing blush, mascara, and lip gloss. I literally threw up hours before the pictures were taken (tmi?). These pictures are a reflection of me on an everyday basis (minus the throwing up). I am doing this post so that she will look back and realize that having a thigh gap wasn't necessary to my happiness. It isn't keeping me from posting these pictures all over the internet. I have flaws, we all do, but not having a thigh gap isn't a flaw.

I don't know what the "thigh gap" of Bayli's generation will be. Maybe everyone will be wanting stick straight hair, or defined arms, or knocked knees, or blue eyes, or smooth soft elbows. But just like the thigh gap, whatever trend is popular and desired in her generation I hope she learns from her momma's mistakes and realizes that it's nothing to waste your time thinking about wishing you could change. And, if you do, as soon as you've accomplished it, the trend will move on to the next thing. Instead focus on trying to become more kind, or confident, or honest, or helpful, or smart, or spiritual or just learning to be herself, whatever that may be.

As much as I wish I could say that I had this change of heart because I realized that I didn't need to fit the fashion industry's mold of perfection all on my own, I can't. I had this change of heart because I recognized that I am someone's mother. And as I type this with tears in my eyes I know that in a few years, she will want to be like me. 'Cause that's what daughters do, they look up to their mothers. I am determined to become someone that she can look up to and be inspired to be better, not feel depressed because of something as silly as she doesn't have my soft elbows.

So... this one's for you Bayli. I love you, you are becoming such a wonderful woman. Always remember, you are beautiful, don't let anyone, (especially not the fashion industry) tell you otherwise.


If you'd like to read more on this subject, here's part two.


  1. Val, thank you for posting this. I cried. This has been on my mind for the last few weeks and I have been super down on myself for the way my post body looks. I have been comparing myself to women who haven't even had children. So thank you. Because its OK for my body to look the way it does because it gave me Ava.

    1. my little Alison-from-pretty-little-liars-look-alike, you are BEAUTIFUL. i'm so glad that i could help, but just so you know, you are one of those women that i wish i looked like. Dead Serious.

    2. Valeri, you are nice. That totally made my day and I love you. Thank you! And you too Shelby. I love you both so much!

  2. Shelby Martin: It's so funny and sad that we all feel this way about one part or another on our bodies (as women). I've always hated most things about my body. Even the things I was once confident with, I'm now hating because of pregnancy. Like I mentioned on facebook- it's interesting that you were sad about not having a thigh gap because of your narrow hips, when I wish I didn't have one because of my wide set hips! You seriously are beautiful and I hate you simply out of jealousy. (But really, I love you so much!) I wish there was some sort of magic we could whoosh over everyone's heads to help us recognize others and our own beauty despite our differences. I'm still getting to the realization you've come to.. about my body being beautiful because it's capable of creating beautiful babies! But I will get there! This was definitely a building block in that process. Thanks Valeri :)

    1. isn't it crazy how we all want what we don't have, and those people that have it are wanting something else! women really are extremely complicated people. i wonder if boys deal with anything like this? thank you for your kind words, i just love and miss you so much! also... i have money for you, but im holding it hostage till we hang out. :)

    2. Hahaha, oh yeah! I forgot- David told the bishopric to leave it with you. Good thing we trust you, huh! And yes, hang out soon! Let's plan an end of summer bbq or fire or something!

      *Side note: I wish I looked like you too, Allie! :)

  3. Thank you for posting this! We all need to love ourselves a little more.

  4. Love this! And thought it's was funny that there is such a thing as a coveted thigh gap. I've had the opposite problem...feeling like my thigh gap was weird and unnatural looking. Us women can be silly sometimes. Love your honesty!

  5. This was beautiful.

    From a 90s' kid (not a kid anymore, but.) :)