Favorite Find(s) Friday

It's been a HOT minute since i've written about a "favorite find friday" (which is a series i started about 4 years ago. haha!) but i have a few things i want to share and today just happens to be a friday so why not!?!

1.R+Co Death Valley Dry Shampoo this guy is a little pricey ($22.48) compared to my other favorite (Batiste which is usually around 7.00) BUT... after my friend said that it has lasted her for months and months i figured it was worth a shot. GUYS!!! no white cast. NONE. so, those of you that don't like that about batiste, or have dark hair need to get this! it smells amazing and works great and i will keep you updated about how long it really lasts!

2. this front door. i die.

3. we got this light for above our kitchen island and i'm in love! it's a statement piece without being overbearing. it's modern, and unique, and sleek and sexy and i'm just all heart eyes over here. plus, it's cheaper than most of the other options we were considering because you usually need more than one pendant light above an island, but this guy really long so it's all we needed for our larger than average island! pictures of it installed in our new kitchen soon to come!!

4. this tumbler has been my ever constant companion ever since my bff gave it to me for my birthday a few months ago. i have some Stainless Steel Drinking Straws coming in the mail because im a sucker for things that match, and you know... it will look cute. haha! i only use mine for water, but it keeps the ice all day long so i bet it would be great for sodas or smoothies. hot chocolate, or coffee. you know. anything.

5. this beautiful unique abstract painting that i wish was in my house right this second.

6. our about page for the blog. cause, i worked so hard on it, and it's finally updated and seriously i think it's cute and funny, and worth writing here on this list so you all know about it. :)

you wanna know what's NOT my favorite... picking out a back splash for our kitchen. it's the next step in our remodel and i cannot pick out what i want for the life of me. i want something that would fit in our mid-century modern kitchen, but i also want it to be unique, and sorta quirky, and inexpensive, and basically i have made too many decisions so far through this process that my brain has decided to quit on me now that we are almost done. any suggestions or ideas in the comments box below would be much appreciated.

Jack of All Trades, Master of None.

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I have been called a jack (or jackie) of all trades frequently in my life, i have MANY hobbies, and skills, and interests. i feel like i could live a thousand lifetimes, each time focusing on just one of those skills and learning ALL i could about that one subject, then pass away happily and start over again. i stay awake at night just dreaming about ways to explore and learn more about any number of my skills, and even sometimes get the crazy idea that i should start another one.

i am not alone in this.

there are many of us "jack and jackie's" out there, but sadly, i don't see jack of all trades as a job profession title, (and if so... maybe that would be a "handyman", but a "handywoman"? haha!) i feel like in order to excel and make a profit in life you really do have to focus on one or two, and just keep a few others in your arsenal to use as stress relieving hobbies, or if your previous business endeavor fails.

currently i have a job as a part time hairstylist, and am a stay at home mom the rest of the time. i have been a stylist since 2009, and a mother since 2012. i LOVE doing those jobs, but... it's safe to say i'd rather start something new to fill the time i have left in my schedule, than take on more clients at the salon (or take on more babies. haha!) but, i would love to do something that is lucrative for my family. not necessarily because we need the added income, but because then i would feel more justified with spending my time doing that thing, whatever it ends up being.

This is what keeps me awake at night; i have dreams of owning my own store or brand, i have dreams of being involved with something bigger than myself, something that actually does good in the world, i have dreams of wanting to improve other's businesses, lives, self-esteems, homes, or just improving their fun!

i would say my skills include:
hairstylist, (and everything that goes along with that... colorist, barber/"cutter", braider/updo's, and extensions.)
makeup artist
artist with watercolor, lettering, calligraphy, and sometimes acrylics.
seamstress/re-fashioner/tailor
photographer/Photoshop editor
interior designer/DIY-er
blogging/networking/social media
making friends and making people laugh.

i have the uncanny ability to see the potential in anything. be that a home, a canvas, a hairstyle, a person, a yard of fabric, a wall, or even in myself. this is both a blessing and a curse as i obviously do not have the time to do it all.

some businesses/jobs I dream about doing someday have included:
-owning a photography studio space that people rent out for personal/professional shoots. this space i've always imagined would be white and clean inside but have an amazing colorful feature wall painted on the exterior of the building so that people can stand outside the building and take selfies to spread free advertising for the studio.
-starting a subscription box company for daily/weekly inspirational scripture study prompts. i feel like so many people are subscribing to these world-ly things, beauty, makeup, shoes, work-out gear, etc, but what about the spiritual side of things? getting a clearly detailed plan for your scripture study would be amazing for me personally, and i think it would help others too.
-a company that prints your 5 most popular instagram photos for the month and sends it to you so that you can have physical copies to replace in frames through out your home.
-making baby blankets. but, realistically the reason i wanted to do this was because i would love to design my own fabrics.
-handmade braided plastic binky clips. i just needed something easier to clean than the leather/fabric ones i was using. and figured others would too.
-my friend and I came up with the idea of starting a family friendly restaurant that was made up of small individual rooms so that families could hear each other, and babies could run wild within a single small space without worry of disturbing others.
-garrison and i have talked about owning our own apartment complex in Provo that had some cool unique twists that would take too long to explain on here. haha. (but one thing is we wanted to make it out of shipping containers.)
-flip houses with my husband for a living, or manage many rental properties.
-own and run a bed and breakfast.
-being a personal assistant to someone
-when i was younger i wanted to be a motivational speaker. but, i learned as i grew that very few people just become one of those, it more like happens to them due to their life experiences.
-selling my watercolor paintings/painting custom watercolors
-i've considered going back to school to get specialized as an estitician, or becoming a consultant for rodand and fields (the skincare line) because i love that whole side of the beauty industry as well.
-turning my blog and/or instagram into something profitable
-when the girls are older and in school i'd love to go back to college and get a degree in drafting to become an architect. i truly have a passion for home design and architecture.
-opening an etsy shop to include on a smaller scale 1 or all of the products i mentioned here.
-garrison and i even talked seriously for a few days about how to make a business out of restoring vintage camping trailers.
-if we ever moved outside of Utah, i'd love to own a salon instead of building my clientele from the ground up again.
-i once wanted to make modern looking graphic t-shirts to sell at souvenir shops around the world.
-we started looking into me being the designer/seamstress for a company my brother and husband wanted to start that would have made custom gun holsters. yes. i said gun holsters.

you guys, the list goes on, and on. it really does. and i'm positive i'm still missing something.

i honestly don't know what the point of this post is. i'm not trying to brag and tell the world how awesome i am, i'm not trying to prove that i should be doing something different with my life, i'm not trying to say how inventive i am. i guess this blog is -at it's core- is a journal for my girls to read when they grow up. i want them to have a peek into my brain at this age. i want them to believe that they truly can do ANYTHING that they put their mind to. and i guess that's the moral of this story. i have all of these ideas, and i haven't actually put "my mind to" any of them. i've dreampt of them, but un-realistically and without much or any action sometimes, and after the "dream" wears off, all that's left is a shell of what could have been.

That's what the point of this post is: for me to realize, that just like what i want my girls to know... I too can do ANYTHING i put my mind to. and now, all i have to do is hone in on the one idea that i can't stop thinking about, the one that keeps me up at night more than the others, and pursue it. pursue it like it's a cute boy in middle school. i was ruthless with those poor boys back then, and these ideas, just like those boys, will be sick of me before they know it!

you guys. i can do it.

i really can.

and dearest daughters, miss bay, little evers... if you're reading this. YOU CAN TOO.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i just found this blog post that helps, if you feel like you're in the same boat as me, the girls at sewcrafty put this together as a way to help you narrow your field and not spread yourself too thin as a classic jack of all trades often does.

Girl Without a Name

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on my side of the family, the girls names all end in "i"

it's a fun tradition that i am excited to carry on to my girls, and something that they can choose to participate in themselves when the time comes for them to have daughters, but i hope they do!

coming up with Bayli's name was really easy. it's a name i have loved for years, and when i told it to garrison, he was instantly on board. this time around things have not been so easy... we have considered almost every potential "ending in i name" under the sun. all around our house you will find scraps of paper with names written down, trying to figure out how to spell it with an "i" or just unique names that i wanted to remember.

i feel like naming a child is such a big deal. it determines so many things, and is so permanent. Garrison and i both have unique names, and we love them! plus, we have the last name of "Jones" which is obviously really unique. but seriously, because of our plain last name, we feel like we can be a little unique with the first, and middle names. i am the more eclectic of the two of us, and tend to gravitate toward some pretty weird names, for example, the grey part of bayli grey is more of a reflection of my personality than garrison's.

another thing that complicates things is that i am really picky... not only do i want it to be a name that ends in an i, but also a name that doesn't sound like a nickname(like cami, or bri, or gigi) and i like them to have two-three syllables, i don't want it start with a "B" because we already have a Bayli, and i'm okay with some unique spellings, but when it get's too weird... they just look embarrassing for the child and scream you are mormon in my opinion. as far as Garrison's requests go... he just wants the name to be semi normal, and for us to name her what we will be calling her. for example, he doesn't want us to name her "charlotte" knowing that we will only ever call her "lottie". so... obviously you can see the predicament we are in.

just for fun, and because i'm sure our little daughter would love looking back on this in the future... let's share some of the names we've considered recently.

First names:
Cambri
Remi
Naomi
Elli
Livvi
Jovi
Emmi

Middle names:
Eloise
Clover
LaVee
Camilla
Flora
Gemma
Indigo

Bayli... she just wants to name her "pinkie pie" i guess technically we could have that end in an i...

if any of you have suggestions or know of some cute names that end in an i that maybe we haven't seen before. i'd love to hear it in the comments below!

Thoughts.

i mentioned in my last post that everything with this pregnancy has been the opposite of what it was like when i was pregnant with bayli. the doctors and everyone always say "every pregnancy is different" but i thought that meant for each woman, not for each baby. so, after i found out we were expecting, i started noticing some of those typical pregnancy symptoms, but not typical for me, and i started getting very worried. for example, with bayli i never threw up. so when i started throwing up a few times everyday i thought "something must be wrong, i know some people say this is a normal part of pregnancy, but it's not normal for me so something must be wrong. my body must be rejecting the baby." the list goes on and on for things that were upsetting and different than my last pregnancy. but still, they were all "normal"

i know that we all follow different people on our social media accounts, but for some reason it seemed like as soon as we started trying to get pregnant, all of these bad things started happening to the pregnancies of women that i follow. miscarriages, still births, babies born with birth defects, babies dying after living only a few days or weeks, and even young children dying from sids, and other types of accidents. while there were of course the happy and healthy children born during this time, i counted them up and the negative greatly outweighed the positive on my feed.

because of these two things i really thought i was going to lose this baby. i thought that all of these women that i follow who were courageously and beautifully handling the trials that they were dealt with the hardships that come from pregnancy, i was learning and being prepared so that i would be able to do the same.

i wanted to wait until i was well into my second trimester to announce that we were pregnant because i just wanted to make sure.

so we waited.

and everything with the baby has turned out to be good so far. so we are thinking positively and it's finally starting to sink in; we are going to have this baby.

it's the weirdest thing being pregnant for the second time. i'm sure you've heard women say that "women must forget all of the pain that's associated with labor because if i had remembered, i wouldn't have gotten pregnant again." that's something i've heard multiple times from women who sit in my salon chair. while i think they are right, i've decided we forget more than just the labor pain. i always thought that all of the studying, and learning, and feelings, of being pregnant would come back to me instantly once i was pregnant again for the second time. nope. i vaguely remember the birthing class we went to, i kinda remember some of the things i studied on the internet about pregnancy, and the feeling of bayli kicking inside of me is a touch that has been forgotten for a long time now. i didn't remember how crappy i felt in the mornings as i brushed my teeth. i didn't remember how exhausted i felt after working on my feet all day, i didn't remember going so many days without caring to brush my hair or do my makeup. but the thing is, it happened. i wrote about it on the blog all those years ago. because if you had asked me just a few weeks ago i would have told you "i never experienced that". the only proof i have is my own journal/blog entries from that time 3 years ago when i was going through this same thing for the first time. but the weird thing is that it feels like i am experiencing all of these things for the very first time all over again.

which makes me sooo nervous to become a parent again. because if i thought i had forgotten about what happened with my first pregnancy, i can tell you that i know i have forgotten even more about what it is like being the parent to a newborn.

we recently started watching video's of when bayli was a baby to show her what life with a baby will be like, and to teach her that she was once a baby too. the video's have helped so much. looking back i wish i had gotten more video's of bayli during those first precious few weeks. we took tons of pictures, but hardly any videos i guess because newborns just sit there. not much action or interest for a video but still, i wish... anyway, while the purpose was to show bayli what life would be like with a newborn, the videos have helped me start to remember what life will be like with a new baby.

how tiny they are, and how long it takes them to nurse, and the gross sponges of filled breast pads, and the worrying about every little thing, and the midnight feedings, and the mustard filled diapers that leak worse than anything, and the dried scab belly button that you can't get wet, and how still you want to lay on the bed or the couch so that you don't have to move the extra sensitive area that is trying so darn hard to heal and stop bleeding. and the going to the bathroom a million times to get rid of all the fluids they pumped into you from the iv. and the "don't make me laugh, i'll tear my stitches" and the breast pump. and the swaddling, and the house decontamination a million times over, and hand sanitizer, and the doctor check ups, and the legs that won't stay put in their sleepers- somehow they always came out and were snuggled up next to her belly- and the uncontrollable flailing of their limbs, and how sometimes she would wake herself up because she hit herself. and the "i can't eat chocolate because it gives her gas" and the strict scheduling of feedings and naps and play/awake time. and the multiple tellings of little children not to touch her eyes. and how my boobs always decided to leak whenever visitors came over. and clients wanting me to come back to work to do their hair again. and the laundry. and the thousands of photos. and the crying, sometimes for no reason. and watching a lot of tv. and you hysterically crying over the silliest things as your hormones balance back out again. and the stripper boobs that are hard and huge and oh so sore. and how slippery they are in the water. and the proudest look in their grandparents eyes as they hold them for the first time. and the lullabies, and the kisses, sooo many kisses.

and then they grow up and turn three.

this life is the craziest thing. and i sure don't have it figured out. and i'm still not even sure if this baby will make it, heck, i'm still not sure bayli will make it. i'm not sure about anything. but holding on to those memories, the ones that were once forgotten, but that are slowly coming back as i experience them all over again for a second time are so wonderful. i am as nervous as sin to bring kid number two into this family. but i am also so excited to see his or her new little face and tiny wrinkly bum and to feel my heart burst as it grows to the size it needs to be in order to completely and all consumingly love my two little children.

attempting to take our own family pictures. haha.

I turned 24 last month, and Garrison turned 28 this week, for his birthday we went camping and it turned into a disaster, that post is coming soon. but.... his actual birthday was awesome, it's just that im only now getting around to writing about it all cause we were still cleaning up the fall-out from the worst camping trip ever. but once again, more on that later. for now i'm just going to post a few pictures that we took during a drive along the Alpine Loop a few weeks ago. initially we intended on having a little family drive, bringing the new "gorillapod" tripod that i got for my birthday, and trying to take our own family pictures... it's okay, you can laugh. i should have known that the pictures wouldn't turn out, since when do tripods stuck in trees, short range remotes, and toddlers work together? the answer is they don't. i've learned my lesson, next time i'm just gonna hire it out like the next guy. but, here's a few of the pictures that sorta turned out. on my to-do-list for today: buy a long range camera remote. ;) i also have about 40 posts i'm writing for the blog on my to-do-list as well...

a few posts you should expect to see on the blog in the next 2 weeks:

-My Birthday

-Garrison's Birthday

-The camping trip from hell

-being the photographer for "Fledge Feet" Tee's

-an updated house tour

-what the "Haggard Hammer" tab that randomly appeared on my blog is all about

Now for the pictures, wanna play a game? it's called "spot the camera remote" i bet you can see it in almost every image. :)

"Escape"

you know every once in a while when your in your car, and everything is quiet besides the radio playing. then in a moment of clarity you hear the words to a song and they turn into a poem instead of just a beat... this happened to me a few months back when i listened to the piña colada song "Escape" by Rupert Holmes. it's a song i listened to often while growing up, my mom and dad love this song. but i had just sung along without really listening to it like i did with all the "oldies but goodies" i appreciated them for sounding different and for having a good beat, but i didn't listen to the words. i left that business for my Taylor Swift and Sara Bareilles songs. but... now that i'm turning into an "oldie but a goodie" i find myself gravitating to the songs from the 70's just like my dad.

with that said, the reason why i love this song is because it is, in a round about way, celebrating marriage! that doesn't happen in music very often, especially now a days. now granted, i know that they are both thinking they are about to commit adultery in the middle of the song, but, when it turns out that the person they are at the bar to meet is their husband/wife. then they realize that over the years there were still things they didn't know about each other, and things that they once had fallen in love with were still inside them but the monotony of life had made them subside, instead of flourishing like it was while dating a long time ago.

garrison and i have only been married for 3.5 years, and there is no way i'd consider cheating on my husband ever, but i can still relate to this song in some ways, i know that i have changed since garrison first met me, and the same goes for him. there are parts of my personality that don't get to re-surface very often because most of my day is spent being a mother and housekeeper instead of my main job being a girlfriend to my future husband like it was while we were dating and engaged. anyway, i would just really recommend listening to the words of this song, i'm sure you've heard it before, but every once in a while it's nice to have a good clean refresher course on why i love my husband, and why he fell in love with me, and why it is still fun getting to know him as he and his personality evolve, and this song does that for me.

here's the link to my favorite version of the song on youtube.

"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)"

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin' I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "Aw, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

That you like piña coladas and gettin' caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for, come with me and escape

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

Yes I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape

No Thigh Gap Necessary... Part 2

this is me mid sentence while pulling hair out of my mouth, not gawking at someone, promise. :)

(for the sake of complete exposure, here are some of the pictures that didn't make my last blog post cause I thought they were too ugly.)

In my last post I opened up and revealed the things I didn't like about my body, and then as I started getting comments from my readers on instagram, facebook, texts, in person, and on the blog. I realized that we ALL have things we don't like about ourselves. Even those crazy beautiful people that we have been comparing ourselves too. I knew this before, but it was just such an overwhelming response that I figured i'd talk a bit about it.

I'm a hairdresser, as I start the consultation section of the appointment I ask my clients: "What's one thing you love about your hair, and one thing you wish you could change?" Almost every time the answer is "I can tell you 10 things I hate about my hair, but... hmmm... what do I love?? Let me get back to you on that." Or something along those lines. Well, I feel like that is the exact same way that we feel about our bodies. We can list tons and tons of things that we wish were different about our bodies, but it's so infrequent that we think about things we love about them, so it's hard to know what to say.

Think about it. The salon is just one place where people go to get what they don't naturally have. That's how I make my living, from people coming to me wishing for something different. I give perms to people who have straight hair, and brazilian blow outs to those with curly hair, I put extensions in those with thin short hair, and cut off and thin out those with long thick hair, I dye blonde girls brunette, and bleach brunettes to be blonde, I color unwanted grays, and wax unwanted hair.

But the thing is, it's not always a bad thing. Most of the time I help women embrace the natural texture of their hair by giving them a cut that helps it lay in a more manageable way. Most of the time I give them those sun kissed highlights that they usually get in the summer, but it's winter and they are wanting a little sprucing up. Most of the time I just do trims in order to help their hair stay healthy. Most of the time I am trying to help them truly embrace the most beautiful parts about themselves, and finding ways to emphasize those instead of changing them entirely. Or, in some cases, just giving them a beautiful blow-out to show them what their hair can already do if they just take the time.

So, i'm gonna bash the excuses in my head like "well if I tell them that I love this part of my body everyone will think that I am just trying to brag about myself and think i'm self-centered" and "what if it's something I like, but they don't like? Or even worse, what if I say that I like something about my body, but they think it's hideous?" and instead i'm just gonna just say it.

-I like my height. Being short just fits my personality.
-I like the color of my hair, not because I want my hair to be that color, but because it is easy to change. It's right in-between blonde and brown and so when the time comes for me to bleach it, it lifts easily and fast, and when I want to be brunette the re-growth isn't terrible. Also, i'm so grateful that i'm not going gray yet.
-I like the color, and size of my eyes. I have big blue eyes that aren't squinty in pictures when I smile, and they brighten up my entire face.
-Even though I think my lips are crooked and soak up way too much chapstick because of their size, they are my most complimented feature, so they have to appear on my list of "likes" because it's always nice to be complimented.
-I like my long fingernail beds, weirdest "like" ever. But... when I was in hairschool and we were working on our nail technician section, everyone wanted to do my nails cause I don't get overgrown cuticles, and my nail beds are skinny and long. I was even told I could be a hand model if my pointer finger wasn't so crooked. ;)

I'm not going to lie, that list was hard. It was seriously difficult to come up with a list of things I liked about my body. But... i'm not done yet. There's one more thing I want to try. In my last post I listed out things I didn't like about myself, but... deep down I know that I have to like them because they are a part of me, and because i'm lucky that they at least do their proper functions, even though they might not look great while performing those functions. So, let me just say...

I complained about my thighs, those same thighs that don't have a gap between them, but have never failed me in getting me from point a to point b. I complained about my crooked fingers, those same fingers that are currently typing on this blog, the ones that help me share myself with others. I complained about my thin hair, that never grows. But on the positive side it takes a total of 10 minutes for it to dry without a blow dryer. That's just awesome, trust me, from all the thousands of blow outs I've done. I know. And, I only have to get a haircut every 6 months. Woot woot! I complained about my big feet, and hideous toes, but I've learned that the size 7.5 shoe is very common (usually it is on women who are much taller than me, but common nonetheless) so it's easy for me to share shoes with friends. And who really cares about toes anyway? They're always ugly. ;) I complained about my rib-cage being too big and broad, but I've learned that it's great for storing my organs when a baby decides to take up 90% of the room in there. Thank goodness for my spacious rib-cages that let me continue to sleep through the night without needing to wake up to go pee in those final stages of pregnancy. I complained about my hips that don't give me any curves, but those hips attracted the best husband ever, so I'd call that a win. I complained about my arms looking like sausages in the right (or wrong) shirts, but who likes to wear tight long sleeve shirts anyway? Good riddance from my closet! I complained about my freckles and how sometimes they look like acne or acne scars, but they also hide what few acne bumps and acne scars I have very well. I complained about my belly, and the excess fat that loves to live there. But, that belly made Bayli, and will make my future children, and I know from friends and family who couldn't have their own kids, that a little, or a lot, of excess fat is nothing in comparison to being able to see my own face in the reflection of my daughter, knowing that she is mine.

so... I challenge you, just start with the small things like answering these two questions for me in the comments below. what's one thing you love about your body, and one thing you wish you could change? and then, tell me one great thing that unwanted part of your body still does for you? I promise that you will feel a sense of relief once you admit it, and I promise you will think more highly of yourself once you realize that even those terrible unwanted things about yourself still do amazing things.

Food for thought: "Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind, don't matter. And those who matter, don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

No Thigh Gap Necessary

|Shirt: Old Navy|Pants: Vintage from Urban Renewal|Shoes: F21|Purse: Aldo|Jewelry: Nordstrom Rack|

Lets get something straight... I am not a fashion blogger.

I did this post awhile back because I wanted the free dress and because I seriously thought the company was worth sharing. NOT because I wanted to become a fashion blogger.

You're probably wondering why I did this post today if I am not trying to be a fashion blogger. Well, to answer that I have to tell you a few other things about myself first.

-I had a baby. That baby made some of my skin have stretch marks, and made other parts flabby, and other parts bigger. The only thing that really got smaller through the process was my self confidence.
-I didn't have the perfect body even before I got pregnant.
-When I was in middle school, before I found out that I had a thyroid disorder, I was one pretty big kid. But even back then my favorite part about myself was my legs, for some reason I just didn't gain weight there.
-I have stayed the same pant size since 7th grade. A size 0. Even the day I delivered Bayli I was wearing my size 0 pants.

So... this year when I heard about the "thigh gap" and realized that I didn't have one, and that I have never had one, even when I weighed a mere 110 pounds in high school. I still didn't have that oh so coveted thigh gap. I started to hate the one part of my body that I have always loved: my legs.

For months it has been this internal hate, stewing. Nothing that I shared with anyone, nothing that I really even complained about. I just was so depressed realizing that I didn't like a single area of my body. If I wasn't spending my time wishing I had a thigh gap I was thinking that my feet were too big and my toes are just gross, my arms can look like sausages if the shirt is too tight, my rib cage is way too broad and big, my hips don't give me any curves, my hair is too thin and won't grow, my freckles look like acne under the right lighting, my smile is crooked because of a scar I got in high school, even my pointer finger looks like it's been broken and points in the wrong direction, and don't even get me started on my belly. I had constantly been thinking this way about myself until...

A few months ago when Garrison and I started talking about when to get pregnant again. I came up with all these reasons to wait to get pregnant, like work, money, vacations, etc. But when he came up with solutions to all my worries, I finally had to admit that I was nervous about getting pregnant because I wanted to lose more weight, and get that "perfect body" first.

Well, I could talk about how much my husband told me that he loves every inch of my body, and how he thinks I already have "the perfect body" but I'm not going to. I'm going to talk about Bayli. The girl who was created by my body.

It's for her.

That's the answer to your question about why I am doing this cliche' fashion blogger post today. I am doing it for my daughter Bayli, and for my future children that this body will create.

I did these pictures with my second day, unwashed, no extensions, hairstyle. I'm only wearing blush, mascara, and lip gloss. I literally threw up hours before the pictures were taken (tmi?). These pictures are a reflection of me on an everyday basis (minus the throwing up). I am doing this post so that she will look back and realize that having a thigh gap wasn't necessary to my happiness. It isn't keeping me from posting these pictures all over the internet. I have flaws, we all do, but not having a thigh gap isn't a flaw.

I don't know what the "thigh gap" of Bayli's generation will be. Maybe everyone will be wanting stick straight hair, or defined arms, or knocked knees, or blue eyes, or smooth soft elbows. But just like the thigh gap, whatever trend is popular and desired in her generation I hope she learns from her momma's mistakes and realizes that it's nothing to waste your time thinking about wishing you could change. And, if you do, as soon as you've accomplished it, the trend will move on to the next thing. Instead focus on trying to become more kind, or confident, or honest, or helpful, or smart, or spiritual or just learning to be herself, whatever that may be.

As much as I wish I could say that I had this change of heart because I realized that I didn't need to fit the fashion industry's mold of perfection all on my own, I can't. I had this change of heart because I recognized that I am someone's mother. And as I type this with tears in my eyes I know that in a few years, she will want to be like me. 'Cause that's what daughters do, they look up to their mothers. I am determined to become someone that she can look up to and be inspired to be better, not feel depressed because of something as silly as she doesn't have my soft elbows.

So... this one's for you Bayli. I love you, you are becoming such a wonderful woman. Always remember, you are beautiful, don't let anyone, (especially not the fashion industry) tell you otherwise.

*******************************************************************

If you'd like to read more on this subject, here's part two.

Hugs vs My Laptop

this morning, we sat down on our new dining room bench seat, the cushion of which used to be black, but it attracted every speck of dirt, and hair, and fur, and showed every stain. so, just before Bayli's birthday i deep cleaned it as well as i could, and lint rollered it like it was my job. then, i covered it in a thin vinyl plastic and made our new bench officially -still- black, but also dust and child proof.

anyway, today as we were sitting on this bench, having breakfast, i sat down with my computer to catch up on some of my favorite blogs, and to start writing a post of my own, when all of a sudden, i heard the crinkle of the plastic underneath my baby girl's feet as she walked toward me and gave me a huge hug. it wasn't because she was hurt, or embarrassed, or tired, or for any reason at all. but, instead she just hugged me for a long good minute for no reason at all. i hugged her back, but, sadly, and honestly, i kept on thinking about the post i was writing, about what i should write, and which pictures to post with it. trying to figure out how popular it would be on pinterest, etc. at about this same time, she let go of the hug. she went back to eating her breakfast without saying a word, and i went back to typing.

about 30 seconds later, i heard the crinkle of the plastic under her feet again. once again, she came over for a hug, she kissed me on the cheek and squooze with all her might. i guess the added bonus of a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek was just enough to make me realize how rare and fleeting of a situation this was. and instantly came to realize that i was missing out on a moment, maybe not the biggest moment of her life, but a moment nonetheless. i shut my laptop, and hugged her back with all my might. well, like the world was punishing me for ignoring my daughter the first time, i squooze too hard and she started whimpering. i let go, kissed her cheek, and apologized for hugging too tightly. then she sat back down to eat.

well, you guessed it, she slowly made her way over here to give me another hug, this time from behind, probably because then i wouldn't be able to hurt her. she almost choked me while laying against my back. mid way through the hug, right about the same time as my face was losing it's color due to my lack of oxygen, she leaned over and looked me in the eye and smiled. a smile that only could mean "i love you" and as if the stars aligned for that moment, she said in her broken english "uhzzz oooh"

what i once thought was "just a moment" became a very big moment in this mommy's life. because, that "uhzz ooh" was the first time she has told me "i love you" without being prompted. usually she says i love you when i'm leaving to go to work, or saying goodnight, or after dad says "bayli, tell momma you love her" this was all her choice, and not because i was leaving, but instead because i was here. and not just here in body, but in mind as well.

this continued for the next hour of our breakfast. she kept walking back and forth on the bench inbetween bites, hugging me, walk back, giving me a kiss on the cheek, take a bite of cereal, walk behind me to turn on, or off the lights. returning to her spot on the bench but giving me a hug on her way. it was a genuinely beautiful morning, with our 4 apricot trees blooming just outside our window, and the grass turning a lush green, letting the natural light stream in through the window, and glowing on our faces as we smiled at each other and hugged the morning away.


(sorry that this post doesn't have a picture. but... the moment was too good, and taking a physical picture was just not as important as taking a mental one. and that blog post that i was writing, it has been postponed until next friday. priorities you know... i'm gonna go push my baby girl on the swing before all of a sudden i blink and she's four.)

missing him

as i sit at my kitchen table, on my new bench, that my husband lovingly made for me before he left on his work trip so that i could start to imagine the party for our daughter's 2nd birthday just a little bit better, because let me tell you. there is NO way that i could imagine a party with our closest friends and family and their kids in this tiny old house without this bench. anyway....i'm drinking hot chocolate because even though the calendar says its almost spring, my hormones and dry skin are just not buying it. so... i finished off the last of last year's roasted hazelnut hot chocolate.... and as i drink. i'm missing him.

he's over in Australia right now, it's the end of the summer over there. it's hot and humid, yesterday as i was skype-ing with him he told me that he had a sunburn and had just been bitten by a mosquito. i think he was trying to point out the negatives, you know, besides the beautiful sunrise that was just starting to say hello to the world as his plane landed, and the beautiful ocean views on that huge island so that i wouldn't be jealous but his tactics didn't work, i've never wanted a mosquito bite so bad.

tonight after he reaches the next stop in his boss's private plane, he is going to go with his boss to go see baby sea turtles hatch.

like, for real, come on. this isn't fair.

the night before he left, after forcing him to take lots of "selfie's" with me, we figured out just how many total nights we've spent away from each other since we've been married. the answer was 12. he's doubling our number with just one trip.

the last time he went on a work trip, i wrote about a blog post about it. i mostly talked about how difficult it was to take care of a child without another parent to help you out, but this time around the hardest part is that all we can do is text, and skype with the most terrible service you ever did see. 50% of the time our terrible service cut's us off, and the other 50% of the time one of us is trying to sleep. in summary, the last time he left i felt stressed and lonely. this time i feel... abandoned.

i am being soooo negative right now, i know i know. it really isn't all bad. it's so awesome that he is getting the opportunity to go and do, and see these things. and he already has admitted that it's making him want to do these kind of things more often with me, which makes me very happy. but right now i am crazy jealous, and seriously want to be with him, yet alas, it's only day 3 out of 14.

to keep myself from feeling sad, and thinking about the negative things, i've been filling my time with lots and lots of youtube makeup tutorials, (my favorite of which, lauren curtis, is coincidentally enough, an Aussie.) and have spent my fare share of mulah on new makeup products as well. my mom had surgery yesterday so i haven't been working, but starting tomorrow i have filled my days with clients at the salon hoping that it will make the days go by faster. and bayli and i have truly had sooo much fun. we have watched lots of movies together, and we went to the free pancake day at ihop yesterday, and we're not moping around. promise. she doesn't understand what's going on, so when she sees and hears her dad talking with her through the phone i swear she still thinks he's calling like he does everyday when he's on his way home to tuck her in at night.

she misses him in her own way. for example, we have tennants that live in our basement, and whenever they come in through our back door, we can hear it pretty clearly, and bay yells "dadda!?" it breaks my heart. and yesterday we were walking to a friend's house and we walked past garrison's truck that he parks a few houses down when he's away so that we don't clog up the busy street in front of our house with cars, and bayli run's ahead and knocks on the side of the truck hoping he is inside and will come out and play with her. she cried the entire way home from the airport after we dropped him off, and honestly so did i. it's amazing to see her little body starting to piece together emotions and i am truly sooo excited to see her reaction when he comes home. my expectations are high. :)

so, for now, bay and i are just trying to get through each day, knowing that each night we have to spend without him is one night closer to him coming home. and because my husband is my most loyal reader, to you i say: i love you, of course we miss you, and of course we're a bit sad, but we're doing just fine. Have soooo much fun with the turtles tonight. if there's a rule that says you can't take pictures of the turtles, break it. or your not allowed home. :)

here's one of my favorites from the night before he left "selfie session" we really are soooo bad at this kind of thing. :)

The Single Mom Life

When Garrison walked out our front door and got into his car, to drive himself to the airport headed towards Canada, like bay, i felt sad, and like bayli i looked out the window watching his car on the road until it was just a speck in the horizon. but i also felt a ton of responsibility placed on me to be the only one to take care of our daughter while he is away, knowing that at church i would be the only one to take her into the hallway if she misbehaved, that i wouldn't have the feeling of relief when he walked in the house at the end of a work day, that i wouldn't be able to cuddle next to him in bed and talk about how to make bayli feel even more loved, or share funny stories from the day.
instead, over this past day i felt like i have been able to try life out, if you will, as a single parent. i know that this is not really an exact comparison because i still don't have to be the sole provider, i still get to talk to him on the phone when i miss him, and so much more, but... when it comes to Bayli; taking care of, disciplining, and playing with her is all being done by me for now.
Garrison has been away from us before while he goes on camping trips with the guys, but, that usually means that the other women are missing their husbands too so we just band together and get our nails done and let out kids play with each other, so it really doesn't feel the same as it does this time. this time it feels like it's just me. just me and Bayli against the world.
i think another reason why i am viewing things so differently this time around is because i am now the young women's president as my calling in the church. and, i have a few girls in my ward who have single mothers, this experience is making me appreciate all that they do on such a greater level.
and on top of it all, maybe it's just because i know that this is only the first, and shortest of his many trips for work in these next few months. when he goes to China and Australia i am going to be doing this single parent gig for much longer.

Last night, i was hanging out at my parents house playing games, when Bayli fell asleep. she was in the bed that she takes naps in while my mother babysits her when i am at work, so it was a familiar, comfortable place for her. i lived in that same house until i was almost 19. that house truly will always be a place i feel welcomed, and loved, and in my heart, it's mine. there was no reason for us to leave, yet, when it came time for me to fall asleep i just couldn't do it in that house. and that's when i realized it, while that house still feels like mine, it's not my home anymore.
my home is ours.
i longed for the familiar things of our house, i missed the uneven clicking of baxter's nails on the hardwood floor as he takes his eleven trips outside to go to the bathroom in the night. i missed the unknown tapping that comes from the fridge that garrison and i lovingly refer to as "our midget trapped inside the fridge, knocking to get our attention". i missed the random roar of cars driving on the road just outside our window, i missed looking out our back window into the apartment complexes behind our backyard and being able to tell which friends of ours are still up by the lights that are on in their apartment, something about that especially calmed me tonight knowing if something bad happened i could run to their rescue. i missed the smell of garrison's pillow. i even missed stepping on bayli's toys knowing that while yes, they were a mess, in the morning she would love to have the already out to play with.
and so, eventhough i had a few episodes of downtown abbey calling my name in my parents DVR, i still decided to take me and my baby back to our home.

New Year's Resolutions

last year i would describe as my year of "discovery".
i discovered new talents that i did not realize i had.
i discovered new wants and wishes for my life that i never knew i wanted.
i discovered new friends that i did not know i needed.
i discovered little things about my husband that i did not know existed.
i discovered a little girl's personality i did not know i could help create.
i discovered what it feels like to be trusted by the lord with more than i thought i could handle.
i discovered a voice i didn't know i could use.
i discovered a new me i didn't know was there, waiting inside me all along.

the issue about having a year of "discovery" is, now that i know these things. this year... i have to figure out what to do with this new knowledge. hopefully 2014 will be described as my year of implementing change.

which is why this year, for the first time, i am actually making "new years resolutions"

this year i plan to figure out how to turn one of my newfound talents into a small side business.
this year i plan to travel back east to figure out if it could ever be our home or not.
this year i plan to put more effort into those new friends because, weather i like it or not, those new friends are the ones that helped me discover these new attributes about myself. i need those friends.
this year i want to help my husband to discover new things about himself and implement change in his life as well, because it truly is such a wonderful feeling.
this year i want to spend enough quality time with my daughter to make sure that her developing personality continues to grow into something beautiful.
this year, with the trust the lord has given me, i will not disappoint. my counselors and i will make a difference in our ward's young women's lives.
this year i will use that new voice for good.
this year i will become that "new me" that i discovered. i will be determined, i will have more confidence, i will share my talents instead of hide them, i will be respected, and i will view myself as beautiful, always, no matter what i am wearing or how much make-up i have on, or what i think i look like in a picture. i will view myself in the way that my daughter views me. or at least the way i hope she views me. i will view myself in the way that i know my heavenly father views me.

Cheer's to new year's!!

fly on the wall

Bayli and i were having one of those moments, after her dinner hadn't been eaten, and she sat on the toilet for what seemed like hours with nothing happening, and then instantly went to the bathroom as soon as her diaper was back on, and after time out happened 3 times in a row. you know. she was tired, and i was done.

so, i decided to lock us in her bedroom together, i crawled in her toddler bed and just layed there, under the covers, with only the top of my nose and eyes peeking out. mostly because i wanted to escape my own frustration, but it turned out i really enjoyed being a fly on her wall. 

watching her come up with her own imaginary obstacle course, going from flopping herself into her chair, to standing on it and yelling at the top of her lungs "NOO!!" while pointing at Baxter the dog (i wonder who she learned that from) then getting down off the chair, running/dancing her way to the coloring book that was face down on the floor on the other side of the room, standing on top of it then gathering all her strength to jump off of it an entire inch. giving herself some applause with a "yaaay" and then starting it all over again. she repeated this cycle probably 8 times before she realized that mom was watching. then she did it a few more times, and in between each obstacle she would pause to look at me to see if i was still watching her. 

after that got boring she moved on to the book we read her for bed every night. pointing at all the animals and saying their correct sounds, and trying to say the other things in the book she recognized like "eyes" and "swing" and "snail" and "cloud" and "bird" and "tree" all on her own.

i went from wanting to climb under the covers to protect both of us from how frustrated i was at the entire situation, to wanting to squeeze her until her eyes popped out because of how much i loved and adored her. it's crazy how that is the norm around this house. she can be totally infuriating one moment and then the sweetest thing in the world the next.

...im just grateful that the infuriating moments come less frequently of the two.

my life is really just a plate full of turkey and stuffing.

 i really really wanted my first blog post from my non-blogging-hiatus to be a super peppy and optimistic one. one filled with positive outlooks, smiley faces :) and pretty pictures where the whole family is looking at the camera and no ones shirt happens to be untucked in the back looking like a duck tail. you know, that kind of perfect blog post. well... sadly, that's not the one i'm in the mood to write tonight, and boy do i have a hankering to get all my emotions and feelings down on paper (screen?) but... as writing usually does, i'll probably be a whole lot more optimistic about things as i start to wrap my emotions up towards the end anyway, so who knows. maybe it will be optimistic after all. but... first. the pessimistic side:

i told my friend yesterday that i feel like i am currently, in my life right now, sitting down to a thanksgiving meal.
let me explain
this last spring and summer has been crazy busy. garrison and i personally have moved back in with my parents to live in their basement for the past few months. (kinda sorta felt like years... but not necessarily in a bad way) we have been scrimping and saving every last penny so that we could build up more of a down payment on a future house. on top of that, at our new church ward we have been blessed/challenged with new and more demanding callings in church. and finally after months of searching and placing offers on houses. we found one that we love and the closing date is in just a few short days! eek!  aaannnddd we have had more than one pregnancy scare. -period. stop being so weird please!-  (the dog, grandpa, bayli's climbing, weird church , skyler running for city council, etc)
some other things happening in our lives that don't really revolve around garrison and i personally but... we are very involved include: my only sister is getting married, and with that i am lucky enough to be her maid of honor. i also took their engagement pictures, created their invitations on photoshop, planned two bridal showers, altered bridesmaid dresses, styled her hair, created decorations, landscaped the backyard, etc. you get the jist.
my best friend of 10 years is also getting married less than 2 weeks after my sister, i am also my best friend's maid of honor. i have done her hair, designed her invitations, gone to wedding appointments with her, and once again, you get the jist.
i have had all of this to do while still trying to focus on my other jobs. being a mother, and wife, and hairstylist. (i usually would include "blogger" in this list but lets be honest... i haven't done much in that department for way too long)

do you see how this is like thanksgiving dinner? i have all of these wonderful things to do "on my plate" yet, i have "bitten off more than i can chew" -gotta laugh at my awesome eating puns- i'm not over here stressing and pulling my hair out because i am dealing with bad things like job loss or disease, or anything of that sort but instead because i have so many GREAT things to do. i would not want to take a single thing off that list. just like i don't want to take any of my food off my plate on thanksgiving, i know what my plate looks like. i have a clear idea of how long it will take me to eat it, and i know that all of it is going to taste delicious but i also know that it is going to give me a stomachache and that i will most likely gain 5 pounds from this one meal alone. but.... how to choose what not to eat? you cant. so you eat it all anyway and deal with the consequences.

well here i am. i've said hi to all my friends and family on thanksgiving day, said a prayer over the food and have dished my plate up. (that's what ive been doing the past few months and why i haven't been blogging... you know it's rude to blog whilst praying) all that's left to do is eat my food and deal with it. the meal starts literally tomorrow and won't end until the middle of august. but boy am i scared about the consequences.

in one week my sister gets married. we have something going on basically everyday until her wedding day. it's official. her "wedding week" has started. one day after we have traveled home from her wedding, we close on our house. we will spend a few days fixing up our rental property in the basement and get our renters in, travel to our family reunion, then work on moving ourselves in. then, my best friend starts her wedding week and eventually gets herself married as well. all of this happens in just over two weeks. and because of all the time i am having to take off work for all these big events any free time i have is spent filled with clients because they have all had to be so patient and book so far in advance in order to see me because i am only working basically one day a week because i'm so booked with other things.

but, like i explained to my friend. they are all good things! how lucky i am to be busy doing things i love. with people i love. vacationing, crafting, celebrating. i know that right now. i'm in the thick of it. i'm feeling like this is a bad idea, and the stress of it all is getting to me but i know that if i just get through it, i will have had so much fun. and i will have laughed so hard, and i will have loved so much. and i will have enjoyed 100% of my "meal" and you know those 5 pounds i talked about gaining... it will be 5 pounds straight to my heart. not because of cholesterol but because of how much i will have grown to love the people i am, and have been serving. my sister, my downstairs tenants, my best friend, my clients. my extended and immediate family, my husband and my daughter.

although putting my head on my pillow and letting myself fall asleep tonight is daunting because i know how busy of a day weeks lies ahead of me. now, i know that the consequences from eating this meal are going to be great. so you know what.

goodnight. :)

Baseball or Ballerina

as most parents do, i find myself daydreaming about what my daughter will enjoy doing as a young adult. will she be a scholar, into sports, a video gamer, or a girly girl obsessed with boys? so many different paths to take, and honestly, i genuinely feel like certain aspects of her life are already embedded into her personage. they are already there, waiting for her skills, mind, and body to develop so that that part of her personality can come out of it's cocoon and fly. it's those. those hidden little characteristics about my daughter that i love discovering. because as i notice them now, it could be my first glimpses of how amazing and talented she will be as she gets older.

ever since she was born she has been super flexible. and i know, i know, that all newborns are flexible, but. hers has stayed past her newborn days. and people have asked if she is double jointed or something because of the crazy positions she finds herself in. weather sticking her toes in her ears, or sitting sprawled out on the floor in the splits. it's just how she prefers it. and did i mention that she loves walking around on her tip toes? adorbs. <in case you don't speak teen that's short for "adorable">
but yesterday we found out that she can also throw a ball, pretty darn hard, pretty darn far, and straight.

via

via

and before you start thinking of me as one of those mothers who has their entire child's life planned out before their first birthday. let me just put those thoughts to rest and say that i know her hobbies and life's course is up to her, she can decide if she wants to pursue one path or another. but... as her mother it's still fun to dream.

i personally have done both of these hobbies, i loved softball up until it became fast pitch. after that, i genuinely didn't think that it was so fun anymore. and honestly, i was the first to admit that my batting score average wasn't something to brag about. and then, i decided to try dance.
i had always loved dancing, we have this huge window in the living room of our house and after dinner, when the world outside our window was dark, we would turn on the lights, crank up the tunes, put a costume on and use that big window as a mirror and boy did my neighbors get a kick out of that. seeing two little girls flailing around pretending to be spanish dancers with our flowing skirts or ballerinas in swan lake. honestly, when we are playing with my nieces we still use that window as a mirror even though my sister and i are way past the age of being silly.
my mom always had a rule that we were each allowed to have only two after school programs. piano and something else (usually a sport) that we chose. i think i did gymnastics, jr. jazz(basketball), softball, track and dance. so here's the story about my one and only ballet class. i was 15, my sister was 13 and we had enrolled in the orem city rec center's dance class. it was taught by a recent high school graduate and all you had to pay for were your costumes and ballet slippers. well, because it was our first ballet class we enrolled for the beginning dance class. as we walked into the studio we noticed that most of the girls were... 6. six years old. no joke. i think the next oldest besides us was 9. we not only were a few good years ahead of these little toddlers, but we also had quite a few inches on them as well. so, this teacher of ours had to choreograph dances for our class that worked with us two little giants in the back. don't get me wrong, i learned some moves, and had some fun, and even made fun of myself along with all the other parents at the end of the year recital but honestly, it kinda killed dance for me.
it wasn't until i met my best friends sister a few years later and was able to watch her compete in So You Think You Can Dance that i truly started to kick myself in the pants for giving up on that dream so soon. i still to this day pride myself on the fact that i can head right into the splits no matter if i've stretched before hand or what jeans i'm wearing. but, sadly, that is the one and only think i have retained from my one and only ballet class.

anyway... now that i've given you my entire life's story, i guess i will bring it back to the topic i started with and say that being a mother is so fun, watching my Bayli develop and grow and find things that she prefers to do over other things is so intriguing. i can see how easily it is for some mothers to live their dreams through their kids because i'll be the first to admit that if my daughter became a prima ballerina i would be the proudest, happiest, little cheering mother on the front row but.... i had my chance at a childhood, and now it's my daughters turn for hers. and golly sometimes i just can't wait! this is going to be so fun!

a love note to the month of love

Dear February.
i have always loved your month. it's the best relief after the years worst month, and to top it off, somehow it's always been filled with love, i like to tell myself that it's not because "valentines day" happens this month but instead just because your a good month. and to earn more brownie points, i've never gone to a "single awareness" party. cause seriously people... i'd rather be sitting at home alone with my own full size tub of ice cream than go to one of those things.

this year now that this month is more than halfway over, looking back some of the biggest things that have happened are actually really sad. Bayli got sick for the first time, that cough of hers and the always flowing runny nose. she looked so miserable, and lost so much weight. honestly next year a little more warmth would be greatly appreciated. remember that night that garrison and i decided it's time to move back in with my parents again.  <double sigh> lots and lots of tears were shed just thinking about leaving our neighborhood that night. i stopped nursing my little baby and people have started calling her a toddler. depressing. and, it really seems like there are things in each aspect of our lives that are just stuck.

but, even now as i am writing you this love note, i'm realizing that in the bigger perspective there are many more things to be grateful for this month than things to be sad about. like remember that one week when garrison and i did a little "love experiment"? and remember that time that my little sister fell in love with the man of her dreams. remember how she has her glow back? and how her eyes light up when shes around him, and she can't help but smile basically alllll the time, and how she's my baby sister again! on valentines day i captured probably the sweetest picture of my little girl. it's been determined that she was so photogenic because i had just filled her tummy with red heart pancakes. who wouldn't be smiling after eating hearts for breakfast? can you believe my little baby Bay is already up and WALKING like a boss?!? and can you believe that one night when my best-est friend of 10 years (TEN YEARS? has it really been that long??) said yes to her best friend as he was down on one knee asking to be hers forever. -i told you that it's the month of love-

basically, i know that no month can be perfect. but so far, it's been pretty good. now you just need to make sure that i don't completely screw up my musical performance this weekend and i think we will be good. :)

thank you February, you've been very good to us.


if you're ready to see some mushy gushy proposal pictures, go ahead and look at these.
seriously, if you don't smile looking at these... you don't have a heart. proposals are just the sweetest things.
congrats Chels and Marcus i can't wait till August 8th!