|Shirt: Old Navy|Pants: Vintage from Urban Renewal|Shoes: F21|Purse: Aldo|Jewelry: Nordstrom Rack|
Lets get something straight... I am not a fashion blogger.
I did this post awhile back because I wanted the free dress and because I seriously thought the company was worth sharing. NOT because I wanted to become a fashion blogger.
You're probably wondering why I did this post today if I am not trying to be a fashion blogger. Well, to answer that I have to tell you a few other things about myself first.
-I had a baby. That baby made some of my skin have stretch marks, and made other parts flabby, and other parts bigger. The only thing that really got smaller through the process was my self confidence.
-I didn't have the perfect body even before I got pregnant.
-When I was in middle school, before I found out that I had a thyroid disorder, I was one pretty big kid. But even back then my favorite part about myself was my legs, for some reason I just didn't gain weight there.
-I have stayed the same pant size since 7th grade. A size 0. Even the day I delivered Bayli I was wearing my size 0 pants.
So... this year when I heard about the "thigh gap" and realized that I didn't have one, and that I have never had one, even when I weighed a mere 110 pounds in high school. I still didn't have that oh so coveted thigh gap. I started to hate the one part of my body that I have always loved: my legs.
For months it has been this internal hate, stewing. Nothing that I shared with anyone, nothing that I really even complained about. I just was so depressed realizing that I didn't like a single area of my body. If I wasn't spending my time wishing I had a thigh gap I was thinking that my feet were too big and my toes are just gross, my arms can look like sausages if the shirt is too tight, my rib cage is way too broad and big, my hips don't give me any curves, my hair is too thin and won't grow, my freckles look like acne under the right lighting, my smile is crooked because of a scar I got in high school, even my pointer finger looks like it's been broken and points in the wrong direction, and don't even get me started on my belly. I had constantly been thinking this way about myself until...
A few months ago when Garrison and I started talking about when to get pregnant again. I came up with all these reasons to wait to get pregnant, like work, money, vacations, etc. But when he came up with solutions to all my worries, I finally had to admit that I was nervous about getting pregnant because I wanted to lose more weight, and get that "perfect body" first.
Well, I could talk about how much my husband told me that he loves every inch of my body, and how he thinks I already have "the perfect body" but I'm not going to. I'm going to talk about Bayli. The girl who was created by my body.
It's for her.
That's the answer to your question about why I am doing this cliche' fashion blogger post today. I am doing it for my daughter Bayli, and for my future children that this body will create.
I did these pictures with my second day, unwashed, no extensions, hairstyle. I'm only wearing blush, mascara, and lip gloss. I literally threw up hours before the pictures were taken (tmi?). These pictures are a reflection of me on an everyday basis (minus the throwing up). I am doing this post so that she will look back and realize that having a thigh gap wasn't necessary to my happiness. It isn't keeping me from posting these pictures all over the internet. I have flaws, we all do, but not having a thigh gap isn't a flaw.
I don't know what the "thigh gap" of Bayli's generation will be. Maybe everyone will be wanting stick straight hair, or defined arms, or knocked knees, or blue eyes, or smooth soft elbows. But just like the thigh gap, whatever trend is popular and desired in her generation I hope she learns from her momma's mistakes and realizes that it's nothing to waste your time thinking about wishing you could change. And, if you do, as soon as you've accomplished it, the trend will move on to the next thing. Instead focus on trying to become more kind, or confident, or honest, or helpful, or smart, or spiritual or just learning to be herself, whatever that may be.
As much as I wish I could say that I had this change of heart because I realized that I didn't need to fit the fashion industry's mold of perfection all on my own, I can't. I had this change of heart because I recognized that I am someone's mother. And as I type this with tears in my eyes I know that in a few years, she will want to be like me. 'Cause that's what daughters do, they look up to their mothers. I am determined to become someone that she can look up to and be inspired to be better, not feel depressed because of something as silly as she doesn't have my soft elbows.
So... this one's for you Bayli. I love you, you are becoming such a wonderful woman. Always remember, you are beautiful, don't let anyone, (especially not the fashion industry) tell you otherwise.
If you'd like to read more on this subject, here's part two.