My Sister's Maternity Photo Shoot

it's no question that i love photography, i studied it in college, i used to have a photography business before i had children, but ever since i had those cute little babies, they are the only subjects i photograph anymore. so, when my sister asked me to take her maternity pictures i was both extremely excited and nervous. we did the shoot with very limited time, and at only two locations because i had other things to get to that day, but i think it turned out great! i had a bit of fun when the time came to edit the pictures because, well, i just hadn't done it in so long that it was intriguing to see what skills i still had in that department. anyway, she is truly the most beautiful pregnant woman, and so photogenic. without further adieu: my sister.

Everli Mae: A Labor Story

Everli Mae Jones was born Friday May 8th at 6:30 in the evening. She weighed 6 pounds 4 ounces, and was 18.5 inches long.

Here's how the day went:
at 9:30 that morning i went to my dr's appointment, he wanted me to come in to check and see if i was still having issues with high blood pressure because the last time i went to the hospital my readings were too high... and because of another consecutive reading of high blood pressure in his office, he decided to induce me. after dropping Bayli off with family, we headed to the hospital.

at 10:30 i got admitted to the hospital, walking past the triage rooms we had visited way too many times and straight to our delivery room was such an amazing feeling.

at 11:30 we started pitosin to get my contractions going stronger. i was only at 1.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced when we started. (the same dilation and effacement i've been for the past three weeks)

at 12:45 the dr came in and broke my water. when he did this, i was 2 cm dilated. as i laid in bed I could for sure feel the contractions, but i had been experiencing the same kind of pains for the past few weeks, so i was doubtful they would be doing anything with helping me dilate. My family came to visit and distract me, bayli was there for a bit before she went to my parents house to nap, once my family left, I went for a walk around the hospital to try and get things moving along. i did this for about an hour or more and then went back to bed to try and breathe through the contractions as they continued to get more intense. i distracted myself by watching videos on youtube of men trying to endure through simulated labor pains.

by now it was 4:00 and i was only at 3cm dilated. figuring i was in for the loooong haul since my labor was progressing slower than id hoped after having my water broken, and enduring the pain for as long as i could, and even trying to help them along by walking, i asked to get the epidural.

after getting everything with that taken care of it was about 4:45 and my nurse wanted me to lay on my right side to help the baby's head get into the correct position, she said the plan was to have me switch sides each hour to kind of "corkscrew" her head into the right place. i laid on my side for an hour while i almost dozed off to sleep because the relief from the epidural was so wonderful.

at 5:45 we switched sides. she checked me and i was dilated to a 4, we both were thinking it would be hours until i delivered. she went to go get the new nurse that would be replacing her since it was almost 6:00 (shift change happens between 6-7.) so that she could start explaining what was happening with me and my labor's progression to the new nurse before she left.

around 6:15 as my first nurse was in the room explaining things to the new nurse i started feeling some changes occur in my cervix. i wasn't feeling the same kind of pressure as i felt with bayli, but i knew that something was different. she hadn't even finished explaining the stuff to my new nurse but i interrupted her anyway and asked her to check me, she checked me and said i was dilated to a 7. surprised, she told me that things would be happening fast now, and that in an hour or less i'd have my baby! so we texted my parents and told them to hurry and bring Bayli to the hospital. the nurse quickly finished explaining things as they got the room ready.

at 6:25 i started feeling much more pressure, i doubted that i could have dilated even more in such little time, i had literally been checked only 10 minutes before, but i said i was feeling ready to push anyway, and she checked me and i was at a 9, we did one practice push to get me to a 10. it worked, and with perfect timing, our dr came in. we did two pushes through the next contraction. i used a mirror so i knew that she was crowning. then he explained that i would need an episiotomy again, which didn't surprise me, as i felt the next contraction coming on, i pushed, he cut, we did another push which got her head out, then the last final push and...

at 6:30 pm out came the rest of her.

in summary:
it took 3 weeks of prodromal labor,
6 hours of early labor after being induced (the last 2 hours of which i had an epidural)
15 minutes of transitional labor
6 total pushes through 3 contractions.
and we had ourselves a baby.

they laid her on my chest and started to clean her off. she was tiny, and covered in vernix, just like bayli was. but she was also different. lots of blonde hair, not a big crier, she nursed almost immediately and this entire time while i delivered my placenta and got stitched up, she and i just laid there together, i cried happy tears, she whimpered infrequently. turns out i needed 16 freaking stitches to repair my two tears, but i didn't feel or even think about any of it. we said goodbye to our first nurse. as she left she said "thanks for hurrying so that i could see that beautiful babe."

the doctor finally finished my stitches, and we could hear my parents talking outside our room with Bayli, i couldn't wait for her to meet her sister. as soon as the dr left and i was covered again we let my daughter and my family in the hallway come in. i had had tons of time holding Everli, but i hadn't even realized that Garrison hadn't held her yet. so after he helped bayli up onto my hospital bed to take a look at her new sister, garrison finally took his turn at holding his new daughter.

for about an hour or so we had so much fun in our delivery room letting everyone take turns holding her. more friends and family came over, i ate dinner, and Everli this whole time just hung out kinda still covered in vernix, but beautiful as ever, and totally pleasant. she seriously never cried.

the time came for us to go to the mom and baby floor, and for Everli to go get her bath and get checked in the nursery. i was feeling wonderful, and i wanted so much to be able to watch her first bath, so my nurse pulled some strings and i got permission to go down with my husband and both of us could be there watching the happenings in the nursery. i was told that i had to stay seated in the wheelchair, which i felt was unnecessary, but still if that was the requirement, i was willing.

the nursery was amazing. once she was all clean, and deemed healthy, we went back to our room, said goodnight to Bayli (who had been watching from the hallway) and all 3 of us fell asleep. seriously my recovery has been awesome, i really love this whole second child thing. it's like my body knows what its doing and how to fix itself this time around. I really have been so lucky to be blessed with a smooth easy recovery, and to have been given such an amazing, beautiful, healthy, well tempered new daughter. (she loves her sleep and we love her for it.)

parenting a newborn has been like riding a bike, everything came flooding back, how to nurse, how to change a diaper, how to avoid being peed on, how to burp, what the different cries mean, and even the schedule. it all came flooding back and it was as if she'd always been a part of our lives.

i love her so much, and Bayli has transitioned into being a big sister beautifully. when i watch the two of them interact i feel like my heart is going to explode. Nothing with this pregnancy or delivery went the way i thought it would. but it turns out i got everything i didn't know i wanted.

Everli is such a joy in our family. it's safe to say we are all obsessed with her.

39/40 weeks

well... despite our many trips to the hospital, thinking we were in labor. this little lady has decided to overstay her welcome in the humble home i've been creating for her the past 9+ months within my body.

-i now weigh 137 (a total weight gain of 12 pounds)
-i have started getting stretch marks below and around my belly button. my belly is measuring many inches larger than it was with bayli. the itchiness and tightness is unbearable sometimes.
-sleeping goes like this: fall asleep around 11:30, wake at 2:00 to go pee, stay awake for a few hours while i try to go back to bed enduring through a few contractions, finally fall back asleep around 3:30 or 4. (usually after watching an episode of Friends in order to get my mind off things) and sleep until 7:30 when bayli wakes up. i pee again. garrison takes care of her while i finish sleeping until he leaves for work at 9 which is when i actually get up.
-the belly button is still an innie, and i am still not wearing maternity clothes, but i should be. i'm just stubborn and keep convincing myself that she will be coming out today anyway, so i wouldn't get enough use out of the clothes. i basically wear lots of knit loose shirts and leggings/skirts. or my robe. lets be honest. i'm almost always in my robe.
-we still deal with really frequent contractions daily. the pain is something that i can bear. as sad as it sounds im basically used to it by now. the hardest part is the confusion. not knowing if "this is the real thing" or not. we have now made 5 trips to the hospital, each with contractions mere minutes apart, and each time another issue get's either added or resolved. first we found out i had a UTI, next time we thought i was in labor, contractions were only 1.5 minutes apart and crazy intense for hours, but no dilation or effacement. next we were worried about leaking fluid only to find out my water hadn't broken. another time it was for blood pressure levels that were too high, but not high enough to induce immediately, just check up on. seriously, what else can they throw at me? eventually they will just have to admit me.
-we officially scheduled our induction date for the 12th of May if she doesn't come on her own before then.
- i'm just glad that she wasn't born on May 4th -national star wars day- "may the fourth be with you"
- at our last ultrasound (38.5 weeks) she was measuring 6 pounds 10 oz. a very healthy weight. but still on the small side so we don't think we will need to do a c-section. hopefully she will stay under that 7 pound mark until i get her out.
- i am in a much happier and patient place than i was in this post, i have learned a lot about myself these past few weeks, i have also learned that there's usually a reason for things, and garrison got strep throat a few days ago, so it was a good thing that he dealt with that with the baby safe in my belly instead of worrying about her catching that terrible sickness at only a few days old.
-i am a big planner and have a very hard time letting things go when they aren't in my control. this pregnancy has tested me more than anything else in my entire life, it has easily been my hardest trial to date. i feel like it has just been one concern or another for the entire 9 months. from placenta previa, (which resolved itself) to loosing too much weight from terrible morning sickness, to confusing due dates since our conception date and her measurements never added up, to baby measuring big, then small, then big again, me not gaining enough weight, and all of the other things i mentioned earlier like uti's, contractions, and blood pressure. BUT... we've gotten through it all, and right now, regardless of the issues we have had to deal with earlier, things are looking up. we are in a good place to deliver this baby girl, and thank goodness none of the issues have turned into anything serious so far. it's been a looong ride, and all of these worries have not made the trip seem any shorter. but it's practically over and i can almost smell her already we're so close to having her in our arms.

38 Weeks

I seriously cannot even believe i am writing this blog post. Am i seriously thirty eight weeks?? since i delivered bayli at 37 weeks i have never been this pregnant before and boy is it driving me crazy. i am SO done. mentally i'm convinced this is how people feel when they go past their due date since i always assumed i would deliver around the same gestation age as bayli. i am basically angry and negative all the time and my emotions are on edge. i cannot fathom how much worse i will be if i have to wait until 40 weeks to have this baby girl.

i have been contracting daily for the past two weeks, on a couple occasions we've gone in to the hospital because they were coming on so strongly only to be sent home after monitoring for a few hours because the contractions aren't dilating me, they are just painful. yay. the nurses explained that this condition even has a name: "prodromal labor" (more on it here and here.) the nurses feel so bad for me, but there's nothing they can do besides offer some intense narcotics that i have so far avoided taking. but they are tempting... sooo tempting.

every night, and sometimes in the afternoon's too i have a few good hours where my contractions are 5-2 minutes apart (depending on the day), and way more painful than contractions i ever felt with Bayli because i got my epidural pretty early into her labor process. the contractions feel like my belly is a basketball that is being pumped up with too much air, and with every contraction i'm positive that if the pressure increases any further i will literally split down the middle. then after a minute or more, the break comes when the contraction finally stops, and i feel sore and breathless, like i've just done the most hard core workout, and then throbbing pain... down there. and then it's time to pump me with air again. i just cannot believe that after all of these days and hours of contractions i am still only dilated to a 1.5

i told garrison this morning that i genuinely don't think she will ever come out. i know that logically it's impossible. she HAS to come out eventually. we've only got two more weeks to go before the dr will physically take her out if he has to. but none of that is clicking in my head right now, all i can think about is how she's still in there, and will stay there forever. each day growing a bit bigger, and each night hurting a bit more. and of course there is the ever-glooming threat of c-section if she gets big enough that i explained in my last belly update.

i'm not in a happy place.

for example: we do a weekly ritual of asking the Young Women in my church before our lesson begins what something positive, and something negative from that week was. when it was my turn i genuinely could not come up with a single positive thing. how pathetic. seriously my attitude needs an adjustment and i know it.

basically my prayers at night go something like this:
"father, bless this baby to he healthy and strong, but not too strong... those kicks have been hurting recently, and bless her to grow, just not too big cause eventually i need to get her out, and my organs are feeling very claustrophobic right now, bless me to be able to sleep tonight so that i can have the strength to hopefully push her out tomorrow. i know that most people probably pray to take their contractions and pain away, but i'm ok with that, as long as they are actually doing something. i promise to be good if you will just let them be contractions that work. oh, and bless my water to break so that i won't have to be confused about when it's the real thing or not. amen."

i need to be finished with this post now before i continue any further down this path of negativity. but basically... if you need me, you can either find me at the hospital checking to see if this time it's actual labor pains, or "curb walking" around the entire city of Orem, or laying in my bed, eating the leftover cadbury mini eggs, crying, feeling bad for myself.

Have a great week! Hopefully my next post has a completely different vibe to it, and baby pictures, lots of baby pictures.

36 weeks

in my last post, i expressed my concerns with this pregnancy. in summary, i was both worried that the baby was going to be bigger than bayli, and that i wouldn't be able to deliver her vaginally due to her size, and worried that she would be too small, and that she would need to be induced early in order to get her the nutrition she needed. the reasoning behind these two contradicting worries i tried to explain in my last post, but... ultimately we knew the answer would be given over the course of a few ultrasounds. so, yesterday i had my second of three ultrasounds, and met with the dr and got lots of questions answered!

first of all, baby is growing great and is not small. in fact, she is already larger than bayli was when she was born. (baby #2 measures 5.7 pounds, while bayli was only 5.4 at birth) this is wonderful because it means she is healthy! but... it also means that we are officially in the unknown territory of figuring out what my body can handle when it comes to delivery and size of baby. because it is my second baby, and because i will most likely not need to be induced this time -my blood pressure is looking great, and i'm not experiencing symptoms of toxemia this time around like i experienced with bayli- therefore baby will come when she is ready, and when my body has been "primed" the dr's and i think that i will be able to handle a bit bigger baby. but just how much is a "bit"? that's the guessing game. 

doc thinks that if i were to go into labor on my own before i reach 38 weeks then i should be fine. he doesn't anticipate the baby growing a ton within the next week and a half or so. He also thinks that she looks healthy and ready to come. He's basically given me the "A-ok" for labor, but, he can't do anything to help push this along any faster. i am contracting frequently, the baby has dropped, i've lost my mucus plug and have started to dilate and efface. but it's just been false labor so far. so... right now we are just hoping that she decides to get things started. but... if i get to 38 weeks and still haven't had her, then we will do the third and last ultrasound and potentially schedule a c-section if she is measuring at or above 7 pounds. 

so... in summary, my body has naturally started the process of getting this baby out, we are all just hoping these braxton hick contractions turn into the real thing sooner than later. 

baby girl, we are ready to meet you! 

And now for your viewing pleasure... some of the pictures from our most recent ultrasounds and my latest belly shot with the comparison of my last belly shot with Bayli. also... if you want to see what i was like at 36 weeks with bayli, here's the link to that blog post.

Pregnancy Update: 32 weeks

the baby is now about 4 pounds and the size of a coconut.

I currently weigh 132, which is only one pound more than when i was this far along with bayli (here's the post with bayli when i was 32 weeks along if you like comparisons.)

my nightly contractions have subsided, and some days i don't even have a single braxton hick, it's awesome. since those have calmed down, i am dealing with less pain, now my pain usually comes from hip and lower back pain, and stomach aches/heartburn after eating too much, or laying down immediately after eating or drinking.

we are still tracking my blood pressure really closely and it is continuing to go up slightly, but not too high for us to start getting concerned, or put me on bedrest yet, so that's good too.

we have taken everything out of the attic that the baby will need and have finally finished cleaning it all, our bags are packed, and the car seat is clean and in the car. as much as i can feel "ready" for this little girl, i do. we even have her name picked out finally!! (you'll have to wait till she's born before we share it)

Bayli is so excited to be a big sister and she is being so sweet, doing things like kissing and singing to my belly and truly preparing to be my little helper. we are still trying to perfect the concept of being quieter during specific times of the day, but once the baby is actually here i hope that will be an easier concept for her to grasp.

Pregnancy Update 29 weeks

How Far Along: 29 weeks

Food Comparison: size of a butternut squash

Total Weight Gain: 6 pounds, i now weigh 131

Maternity Clothes?:not yet.

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? sleep is my best friend. i feel as exhausted in the evenings as i was in the first trimester! i could nap anytime, anywhere. and in the mornings, i absolutely love just lying there, it's almost like i don't feel pregnant. no hip pain, usually she isn't awake and kicking yet, and with my bump covered underneath the sheets, hidden from view. it's like i have my body back for just a moment. 

Movement? all day, every day. it's been so fun watching her move too!

Gender? Girl.

Lactating? yup.

Food Cravings? chicken, salads, and eggs.

Labor Signs? thankfully i'm still not dilated or effaced. but i've been contracting daily. one night  last week it got really bad and i had to go to the hospital because they were more intense than usual and coming every 4 minutes for about 4 hours. turns out i had a uti which was causing the contractions, but after getting some drugs for the uti, taking it easy and some mild bed rest those stopped. now we're back to the usual contractions, but about 20-30 minutes apart, only in the evenings, and not too painful, so it's fine. 

New Info From Doctor? i had to take the glucose test last week to check and see if i had gestational diabetes, and things are looking good! no diet for me! now that my uti is all cleared up things are looking great. we are in the third trimester and just waiting for her to get bigger so that we can meet her!

also, we went on a "last vacation" to st. george (hence the red rock in the photos this week) and had a wonderful time. we drove around, and visited with family, and checked out the antique stores, and truly had the best time enjoying this stage while we are still a family of 3. it's not the "babymoon" i had planned, but with these contractions, i didn't want to do anything too far away, so it turned out to be just right. and you guys, while it was snowing up in orem, i was getting a sunburn at the park with my family, there's nothing better.

Here's the link to when i was 30 weeks along with Bayli, for comparison's sake. 

Pregnancy Update: 26 Weeks

instead of filling out another one of those pregnancy questionnaires, i'll just provide you a link to my last one, cause everything is basically the same. well, the baby is a bit bigger (the size of a cauliflower now), and i've gained another pound or two (i now weigh 129) . but everything else is the same! i've been taking pictures so much more regularly than when i was pregnant with Bay, tracking this little one grow has been so fun!

Here's the link to when i was 25 weeks along with bayli for comparison's sake.

Pregnancy Update 24 weeks

How Far Along: 24 weeks... we went to the dr's today for our routine check up, and we moved my due date back. so... i was originally due on the 7th of may, now it's the 18th. so... even though my last pregnancy update post was at "22 weeks" it was about a month ago. yay for being confusing, and yay for having to wait another two weeks to meet our little one.

Food Comparison: size of an ear of corn

Total Weight Gain: 2 pounds, i now weigh 127

Maternity Clothes?: nope, but there is for sure a baby bump! even my big baggy shirts won't hide it anymore. 

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? sleep has been great. it takes me a while to wind down at the end of the night, i can't just crash into bed like i used to. but sleep has been so nice. 

Movement? she's so strong! i just recently found out that with bayli, the placenta was right in the front of my belly, so i wasn't feeling her movements as much as i am with this baby girl. i can just watch her move beneath my shirts, which didn't happen with bayli until around 32 weeks. at night i have to be patient and wait for her to settle down before i can fall asleep, if not it would be like trying to fall asleep with someone constantly tapping you on the shoulder!

Gender? Girl. for sure. we did another ultrasound today and are positive!

Lactating? yup. i started about a week ago, mostly just at nights. im gonna have to start wearing a breast pad to sleep soon. 

Food Cravings? none. literally. i'm back to not wanting to eat anything. not because of nausea, but instead because i know that contractions will probably start after eating like usual.

Labor Signs? still contracting pretty frequently. it's not every single night, but 5 out of 7 nights a week i'd say. they are still about 15 minutes apart, and will calm down once i rest, so unless they start getting less than 10 minutes apart, and won't stop even after relaxing then i need to go in to the hospital. 

New Info From Doctor? we were worried about her size, and the location of the placenta. after the ultrasound today, we can proudly say that her placenta has moved 4 cm out of the way, and it looks like it will continue to move out of the way as she grows! yay! also... she's still measuring small, but we just moved the due date up and are going to let nature take it's course. the dr said shes not continuing to decline in her growth compared to other babies so he's no longer worried. i started randomly "seeing stars" which is an indication of high blood pressure, which is what caused them to induce me early with bayli, so we are going to keep a close eye on that, and hopefully it doesn't get worse.

when we were at the ultrasound appointment today we had the coolest experience! i came in at 8:30 which is when i would usually still be in bed, but the technician started doing the measurements, and checking things out and the baby was being so still and letting her do her job very easily, then when the time came to look at her profile, she started waking up, we watched her yawn and stick her tongue out just like bayli would do as a new baby, and then rub her eyes, and then she started kicking and punching and moving around like usual. it was just so sweet to watch her do something so... newborn still inside the womb.

Here's the link to when i was 23 weeks along with Bayli for comparison's sake.

Baby Update (22 weeks)

more frequently than i ever imagined, garrison and i have been looking through this silly little blog of ours to reminisce about what life was like back when i was pregnant the first time and when bayli was a newborn. i had no clue at the time how much i would LOVE the fact that i documented all of those things. i really was doing it mostly for my extended family, i knew that someday i would look back on these posts, but i had no clue that "someday" would be a few short years later.

because of this new appreciation i have for documenting the little things... that is one of my goals for 2015. to blog more, even if it means short, semi-useless posts. if i were trying to gain more followers, then the blogging big wigs would tell me "not to post anything that isn't share-able and pinterest worthy", but if im doing it for me, then i say "go and do!" 

being pregnant with number two has left me nervous and anxious about so many things. one of which is how to make this new baby girl feel as special and important as we have made bayli feel. for example, i posted a picture of bayli every single day on this blog for her first month. i doubt i would have done that with this kid had i not recently looked through those pictures of bayli and remembered. our lives were, and have been, centered around bayli. how can i make our lives centered around two different individuals? i know that there's no way to have two firstborns, but raising firstborns is what i know how to do. how do you do this second born thing? 

anyway. because i haven't figured out the perfect plan, and i want our new baby to feel as special as bayli. i am going to try to blog, and take pictures of our new little one both individually and as a sister during her first few months at least. i would love to also do the "day by day" series that i did with bayli's first month, and posting frequently on instagram of both of them. 

this means a whole lot more posts, and i know i will have a whole lot less time. so that equation doesn't balance out nicely but that's the plan regardless.

for updating's sake... let's start tracking this pregnancy a little better... whadaya say?

How Far Along: 22 weeks

Food Comparison: size of a spaghetti squash (1 pound)

Total Weight Gain: 1 pound (i started out at 135, lost 10 pounds during my first trimester due to extreme morning sickness and now weigh 126)

Maternity Clothes?: nope but by the end of the night, my pants totally have to be unbuttoned cause my lower abdomen get's extra sensitive and sore. 

Stretch Marks? no new ones, just the ones bayli left behind.

Sleep? i slept like a rock for 12-14 hours nightly with my first pregnancy (literally). this time around i am getting up twice at night to pee or because of a nightmare and have a really hard time falling back asleep once i've woken. i probably get 7 hours a night. which is about 3 hours less than i'd prefer. still can't nap.

Movement? i have been able to feel her every single day since we were 18 weeks along. she's very active and loves to stretch!

Gender? Girl

Lactating? not yet. i started lactating at 14 weeks with bayli (way early) and luckily this time around i haven't started yet.

Food Cravings? salty foods, and salads. i hate the taste of sweet things. i have disliked sugar this entire pregnancy so far.

Labor Signs? actually... yes. one week ago i started contracting everyday, just in the evenings for a few hours until i fell asleep. contractions were about 10-15 minutes apart and got better once i rested. this same thing happened with bayli, but it didn't start until i was about 26 weeks pregnant, and lasted until i delivered her at 36 weeks.

New Info From Doctor? the placenta is lower than they would like and so we will be tracking it as she grows to see if it moves out of the way so that i can have a vaginal delivery. the dr says that most often it moves out of the way as she grows, but if not... then i would need to have a c-section. she is also measuring about 2 weeks smaller than most. this could be because of the low placenta, or just because i make small babies, either way they are tracking that as well via more frequent ultrasounds, if she continues to grow slowly, then they will induce me early and start feeding her on a controlled schedule with breastmilk. they are minor problems, but things to keep an eye on. nothing serious.

Here's the link to my first few weeks of belly shots when i was pregnant with bayli if you'd like to compare. :)

since i haven't done any of these baby updates before... here's my first belly bump picture that i took at 18 weeks to use as a reference.

It's A Girl!!!

I cannot believe i am typing that title again! If you follow me on instagram then you probably already know that Bayli has been positive that this baby was a girl from the very beginning. Garrison and I both were hoping for a boy, but her enthusiasm for a sister has been very easy to catch. We had our 20 week ultrasound (halfway!!) last saturday and all is looking healthy and happy with our little miss.

so here's the story of how we shared the news with our family.

In order to get our ultrasound done before christmas then there was only one time slot available... right in the middle of my families christmas party. so... i told a few lies -like how they weren't able to get us in before christmas-, and on the day of the party, we came over, helped set up, i drank my million bottles of water that they require for the ultrasound so your bladder is nice and full, hung out with the family some more, and then sneaked out of the house when no one was looking. I told my sister-in-law what we were doing so that in case they freaked out or something she could do damage control for us while we were gone. :)

at the appointment, the technician started out by looking at the placenta, the baby's organs, and brain. very amazing and intriguing stuff, but not necessarily "cute." then she started looking at the baby's face, lips, and profile. during this time, even though at this point i was still hoping for a boy, for some reason when i looked at my baby's face i just couldn't help but think she was "beautiful" ...not handsome. "beautiful." which should have been my first clue. anyway, then the time finally came to find out the gender. the technician got a nice clear shot and said, "see those three lines? that means..." and typed on the screen "GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!" garrison and i freaked out a bit while bayli continued to play whatever game she was playing, and then we were driving home getting ready to see the family.

our family does a big white elephant exchange, so in the car, i put away the blue duck ornament, and wrapped up the pink baby duck ornament. this was going to be one of our white elephant gifts. we got to the party, apologized for being gone and then continued talking with everyone like normal. by some miracle, we broke tradition and did the gift exchange first. our little brown box, all tied up with string, was one of the few still sitting there in the pile of presents when it was my mothers turn to open a present. She grabs the box, and my heart starts to flutter. garrison reaches for his phone to start recording... then she puts down the box and starts shaking some of the others, trying to pick. my emotions are already on edge as i go from excited, to nervous, and then deflated as she set the box down, but in the end she chooses the box and starts opening. garrison pushes record. She see's the ornament and starts laughing, probably thinking "well... i guess i should have traded for the toilet paper instead" (it really was a pretty ugly duck.) then my niece ask's "what is it??" and mom shows the rest of us what she had opened. it's my sister who first says "is this an announcement?" and at her words all of those emotions start flooding out of me through my tear ducts and i start nodding my head as the entire family turns their attention from my mother, to me, at the other end of the room. my sister yells "it's a girl?!?" and rushes over to give me a hug. my father sitting on the couch is just staring at me in awe, emotional but not letting it show, and my mother keeps shaking her head in disbelief saying "really? really?" garrison starts explaining that we had just come from the ultrasound appointment. and then it all becomes a blur. everyone's yelling, and laughing, and smiling, and surprised that we were able to pull it off, and that my mother of all people who happens to collect "special ornaments" from the memorable things in the year picked the box, and how now no one is allowed to steal the ugly duck from her, and proudly puts it on the center of the tree and gives me a hug.

all of the presents opened up after that seemed kind of lame.

basically, i am soooo excited for my little bayli to get a sister. sister's are the very best and i am so glad that bayli will have one close in age, just like me.

Thoughts.

i mentioned in my last post that everything with this pregnancy has been the opposite of what it was like when i was pregnant with bayli. the doctors and everyone always say "every pregnancy is different" but i thought that meant for each woman, not for each baby. so, after i found out we were expecting, i started noticing some of those typical pregnancy symptoms, but not typical for me, and i started getting very worried. for example, with bayli i never threw up. so when i started throwing up a few times everyday i thought "something must be wrong, i know some people say this is a normal part of pregnancy, but it's not normal for me so something must be wrong. my body must be rejecting the baby." the list goes on and on for things that were upsetting and different than my last pregnancy. but still, they were all "normal"

i know that we all follow different people on our social media accounts, but for some reason it seemed like as soon as we started trying to get pregnant, all of these bad things started happening to the pregnancies of women that i follow. miscarriages, still births, babies born with birth defects, babies dying after living only a few days or weeks, and even young children dying from sids, and other types of accidents. while there were of course the happy and healthy children born during this time, i counted them up and the negative greatly outweighed the positive on my feed.

because of these two things i really thought i was going to lose this baby. i thought that all of these women that i follow who were courageously and beautifully handling the trials that they were dealt with the hardships that come from pregnancy, i was learning and being prepared so that i would be able to do the same.

i wanted to wait until i was well into my second trimester to announce that we were pregnant because i just wanted to make sure.

so we waited.

and everything with the baby has turned out to be good so far. so we are thinking positively and it's finally starting to sink in; we are going to have this baby.

it's the weirdest thing being pregnant for the second time. i'm sure you've heard women say that "women must forget all of the pain that's associated with labor because if i had remembered, i wouldn't have gotten pregnant again." that's something i've heard multiple times from women who sit in my salon chair. while i think they are right, i've decided we forget more than just the labor pain. i always thought that all of the studying, and learning, and feelings, of being pregnant would come back to me instantly once i was pregnant again for the second time. nope. i vaguely remember the birthing class we went to, i kinda remember some of the things i studied on the internet about pregnancy, and the feeling of bayli kicking inside of me is a touch that has been forgotten for a long time now. i didn't remember how crappy i felt in the mornings as i brushed my teeth. i didn't remember how exhausted i felt after working on my feet all day, i didn't remember going so many days without caring to brush my hair or do my makeup. but the thing is, it happened. i wrote about it on the blog all those years ago. because if you had asked me just a few weeks ago i would have told you "i never experienced that". the only proof i have is my own journal/blog entries from that time 3 years ago when i was going through this same thing for the first time. but the weird thing is that it feels like i am experiencing all of these things for the very first time all over again.

which makes me sooo nervous to become a parent again. because if i thought i had forgotten about what happened with my first pregnancy, i can tell you that i know i have forgotten even more about what it is like being the parent to a newborn.

we recently started watching video's of when bayli was a baby to show her what life with a baby will be like, and to teach her that she was once a baby too. the video's have helped so much. looking back i wish i had gotten more video's of bayli during those first precious few weeks. we took tons of pictures, but hardly any videos i guess because newborns just sit there. not much action or interest for a video but still, i wish... anyway, while the purpose was to show bayli what life would be like with a newborn, the videos have helped me start to remember what life will be like with a new baby.

how tiny they are, and how long it takes them to nurse, and the gross sponges of filled breast pads, and the worrying about every little thing, and the midnight feedings, and the mustard filled diapers that leak worse than anything, and the dried scab belly button that you can't get wet, and how still you want to lay on the bed or the couch so that you don't have to move the extra sensitive area that is trying so darn hard to heal and stop bleeding. and the going to the bathroom a million times to get rid of all the fluids they pumped into you from the iv. and the "don't make me laugh, i'll tear my stitches" and the breast pump. and the swaddling, and the house decontamination a million times over, and hand sanitizer, and the doctor check ups, and the legs that won't stay put in their sleepers- somehow they always came out and were snuggled up next to her belly- and the uncontrollable flailing of their limbs, and how sometimes she would wake herself up because she hit herself. and the "i can't eat chocolate because it gives her gas" and the strict scheduling of feedings and naps and play/awake time. and the multiple tellings of little children not to touch her eyes. and how my boobs always decided to leak whenever visitors came over. and clients wanting me to come back to work to do their hair again. and the laundry. and the thousands of photos. and the crying, sometimes for no reason. and watching a lot of tv. and you hysterically crying over the silliest things as your hormones balance back out again. and the stripper boobs that are hard and huge and oh so sore. and how slippery they are in the water. and the proudest look in their grandparents eyes as they hold them for the first time. and the lullabies, and the kisses, sooo many kisses.

and then they grow up and turn three.

this life is the craziest thing. and i sure don't have it figured out. and i'm still not even sure if this baby will make it, heck, i'm still not sure bayli will make it. i'm not sure about anything. but holding on to those memories, the ones that were once forgotten, but that are slowly coming back as i experience them all over again for a second time are so wonderful. i am as nervous as sin to bring kid number two into this family. but i am also so excited to see his or her new little face and tiny wrinkly bum and to feel my heart burst as it grows to the size it needs to be in order to completely and all consumingly love my two little children.

Number Two

Drawing this has been so fun for Bayli and I these past few days! she did her "painting" in her coloring books or with her watercolors, while i did mine. because i'm not showing yet, i think while coloring this has been the first time that "you're going to be a big sister" has really sunk in for her. saying things like "thats me! and that's dad, and that's you..." and i ask, "and where's the new baby?" "here!" as she proudly points to my tummy or the ultrasound picture she has in her hands. so cute. 

this pregnancy has been so hard for me, i have been sooo sick, i lost 11 pounds in one month during my first trimester. we almost had to give me an iv or feeding tube. doesn't that sound fun? Garrison and my family have been the biggest support for me through all this, but each day i am feeling a little bit better now that i am in my second trimester, i am just hopeful that this trend continues and eventually i feel as good as i felt when i was pregnant with Bayli. 

basically everything about this pregnancy has been the exact opposite of when i was pregnant with Bay. which leads everyone to think that i must be pregnant with a boy this time around, which we would be so happy if we were. but, in a month we will see! I am currently 16 weeks pregnant, and due in the beginning of May. Bayli came to us three and a half weeks early because i had preeclampsia. the doctors say that it's possible but not guaranteed that this pregnancy will follow suit. basically i am just so happy and excited, and nervous, and overwhelmed, and... all of the emotions. We are so excited to see bayli play her new role as big sister even more than she is already, and so excited for all of the changes that come with a family of FOUR. (typing that was so weird. caps were necessary) anyway, thank you so much for all your support on facebook and my instagram feed. we really are so excited to embark on this new chapter of our lives! 

10 things for your first week home with baby

the first week home after having a baby is a crazy one! so many changes, and so many surprises! but it also is a week full of lots of learning. one of the things i realized is just how much some accessories and random things have made my life so much easier! i would like to share a few of them with you because these are things you will want to have stocked in the house before you deliver because going to the store the first night home is the LAST thing you will want to do.


1. Lansinoh Soothies Gel Pads: these are a MUST for about the first week. (you'll want to buy at least 2 boxes) imagine putting a jello jiggler circle on your nipple after each feeding. that's basically what these are. they are soooo soothing and cold up against your sore nipples, they provide a barrier between you and your bra or breast pad. they are slightly medicated and so they help you heal faster and the biggest thing is that with these your nipples don't dry out so if you scab, the scabs stay soft and you don't get chapped/cracked. if you haven't been warned before. let me warn you now. breast feeding hurts. lots. and it could hurt for up to three months so... do all you can to make sure that your baby's latch is right and that you are taking care of yourself because if you think it's just going to get better quickly... maybe. but maybe not. and that's why really smart awesome people invented things like this.

2. good toilet paper: everything down there is really sore and swollen and possibly stitched up or you have hemorrhoids. i promise you don't want to have toilet paper flakies that could possibly get infected OR rough toilet paper scratching your already broken... you know, "downstairs" plus, with all your bleeding you will -and should- be going to the bathroom frequently.

3. Swaddle Baby Wrap: you may not like the idea of strapping your child down like in an insane asylum but... you baby does. after being in the confines of your womb for 9 months, being all tightly wrapped is comforting. i recommend the summer swaddle because it comes with velcro so that you can almost guarantee they won't wiggle themselves out of the wrap. (it also helps them sleep better and longer, more on that subject here)

4. maternity bras: once you say goodbye to the colostrom and say hello to milk, your breasts go into high gear. you will probably be engorged and leaking constantly as your body matches your baby's desired milk production. maternity bras do two things. easy fast access to the nipple for feedings, and they hold the breast pads in place when your not feeding. you will want to wear one literally every minute of the day besides showering. a "sports bra style" nursing bra is nice because you will have to wear a bra at night while you sleep -no more sleeping naked ladies!- and the other padded/regular nursing bras work well during the day to give extra padding in case your breast pad fills up while your up and about or visiting. you will want to avoid bras with underwires in them as they can cause mastitis. when deciding how many to get and what size. a good idea is to go up a full cup size and then buy the rest after the baby is born. how many depends on how frequently you do laundry and how messy of an eater your baby is. i would recommend at least 3. and you'll probably need to get more later. (if you want to make your own instead i show you how to here)

5. a t.v. series to watch: if your breast feeding, like i already mentioned, its not the most pleasant experience in the beginning. it kinda stings and tingles and makes your nipples sore. and sometimes sore enough that they will bleed, crack and scab. because of this it is really nice to have a distraction during feedings. this is where having some tv episodes on hand come in. either via buying/renting the series on dvd, using netflicks or hulu, or just having a whole bunch stocked up in your dvr. it really is the best distraction and a 45 minute show (fast forwarding through commercials) is the perfect amount of time for a diaper change, feeding, and burping or while you use a breast pump.at least until you and your baby get better and faster during feedings. my favorites are Lost, Friends, and for a quick funny one, Brooklyn Nine-Nine .

6. another SD Card for your camera: running on little sleep and exhaustion doesn't make you have the desire to upload photos onto your computer to clear memory on your camera. instead just get another sd card so that you don't have to miss those few precious moments when they make that certain face, or are posed in a particular way.

7. stool softeners: the body naturally gets constipated for child birth. this is nice while in labor because you don't have to get up and go #2, also because it allows a little more room in the birth canal since you don't have a full bum to take up any space. but... this means a few days later you will have one intense and painful session in the bathroom. -one of my nurses referred it to giving birth to the ugly cousin- start taking these before you go into labor. it's not a laxative so you don't have to worry about reenacting that scene from dumb and dumber. but they really do help!

8. breast pads: you'll want to grab some breast pads because you could need to change your pad with every feeding (every 3 or so hours) for the first few weeks. thats alot of pads people. once your milk regulates you should only need to change out your pad daily. (some women can even stop using them altogether) these are my favorite

9. frozen meals and snacks: in case you don't have family/friends/neighbors bringing you and your family meals these will ease your mind and help you recover. having nice healthy meals pre-prepared that you know you like and that your husband can easily heat-up/put-together will give you that energy you need to be a mom and heal from what your body just went through.

10. A soft towel: showering is a great way to treat yourself nice while you feel so dirty and sore. but... if you have a rough towel, all of that feel good happiness that came from your shower instantly goes away as you pat dry your nether regions and nipples with what feels like a porcupines back because of how sensitive you are. do yourself a favor, splurge and get a good one. This one is soft, and dark enough not to show stains

But... on a positive note. it's all worth it! if you'd like to read my birth story click here.

if you have a favorite item that you couldn't have lived without during that first week home i'd love to hear about it in the comments below!