Hugs vs My Laptop

this morning, we sat down on our new dining room bench seat, the cushion of which used to be black, but it attracted every speck of dirt, and hair, and fur, and showed every stain. so, just before Bayli's birthday i deep cleaned it as well as i could, and lint rollered it like it was my job. then, i covered it in a thin vinyl plastic and made our new bench officially -still- black, but also dust and child proof.

anyway, today as we were sitting on this bench, having breakfast, i sat down with my computer to catch up on some of my favorite blogs, and to start writing a post of my own, when all of a sudden, i heard the crinkle of the plastic underneath my baby girl's feet as she walked toward me and gave me a huge hug. it wasn't because she was hurt, or embarrassed, or tired, or for any reason at all. but, instead she just hugged me for a long good minute for no reason at all. i hugged her back, but, sadly, and honestly, i kept on thinking about the post i was writing, about what i should write, and which pictures to post with it. trying to figure out how popular it would be on pinterest, etc. at about this same time, she let go of the hug. she went back to eating her breakfast without saying a word, and i went back to typing.

about 30 seconds later, i heard the crinkle of the plastic under her feet again. once again, she came over for a hug, she kissed me on the cheek and squooze with all her might. i guess the added bonus of a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek was just enough to make me realize how rare and fleeting of a situation this was. and instantly came to realize that i was missing out on a moment, maybe not the biggest moment of her life, but a moment nonetheless. i shut my laptop, and hugged her back with all my might. well, like the world was punishing me for ignoring my daughter the first time, i squooze too hard and she started whimpering. i let go, kissed her cheek, and apologized for hugging too tightly. then she sat back down to eat.

well, you guessed it, she slowly made her way over here to give me another hug, this time from behind, probably because then i wouldn't be able to hurt her. she almost choked me while laying against my back. mid way through the hug, right about the same time as my face was losing it's color due to my lack of oxygen, she leaned over and looked me in the eye and smiled. a smile that only could mean "i love you" and as if the stars aligned for that moment, she said in her broken english "uhzzz oooh"

what i once thought was "just a moment" became a very big moment in this mommy's life. because, that "uhzz ooh" was the first time she has told me "i love you" without being prompted. usually she says i love you when i'm leaving to go to work, or saying goodnight, or after dad says "bayli, tell momma you love her" this was all her choice, and not because i was leaving, but instead because i was here. and not just here in body, but in mind as well.

this continued for the next hour of our breakfast. she kept walking back and forth on the bench inbetween bites, hugging me, walk back, giving me a kiss on the cheek, take a bite of cereal, walk behind me to turn on, or off the lights. returning to her spot on the bench but giving me a hug on her way. it was a genuinely beautiful morning, with our 4 apricot trees blooming just outside our window, and the grass turning a lush green, letting the natural light stream in through the window, and glowing on our faces as we smiled at each other and hugged the morning away.


(sorry that this post doesn't have a picture. but... the moment was too good, and taking a physical picture was just not as important as taking a mental one. and that blog post that i was writing, it has been postponed until next friday. priorities you know... i'm gonna go push my baby girl on the swing before all of a sudden i blink and she's four.)