39/40 weeks

well... despite our many trips to the hospital, thinking we were in labor. this little lady has decided to overstay her welcome in the humble home i've been creating for her the past 9+ months within my body.

-i now weigh 137 (a total weight gain of 12 pounds)
-i have started getting stretch marks below and around my belly button. my belly is measuring many inches larger than it was with bayli. the itchiness and tightness is unbearable sometimes.
-sleeping goes like this: fall asleep around 11:30, wake at 2:00 to go pee, stay awake for a few hours while i try to go back to bed enduring through a few contractions, finally fall back asleep around 3:30 or 4. (usually after watching an episode of Friends in order to get my mind off things) and sleep until 7:30 when bayli wakes up. i pee again. garrison takes care of her while i finish sleeping until he leaves for work at 9 which is when i actually get up.
-the belly button is still an innie, and i am still not wearing maternity clothes, but i should be. i'm just stubborn and keep convincing myself that she will be coming out today anyway, so i wouldn't get enough use out of the clothes. i basically wear lots of knit loose shirts and leggings/skirts. or my robe. lets be honest. i'm almost always in my robe.
-we still deal with really frequent contractions daily. the pain is something that i can bear. as sad as it sounds im basically used to it by now. the hardest part is the confusion. not knowing if "this is the real thing" or not. we have now made 5 trips to the hospital, each with contractions mere minutes apart, and each time another issue get's either added or resolved. first we found out i had a UTI, next time we thought i was in labor, contractions were only 1.5 minutes apart and crazy intense for hours, but no dilation or effacement. next we were worried about leaking fluid only to find out my water hadn't broken. another time it was for blood pressure levels that were too high, but not high enough to induce immediately, just check up on. seriously, what else can they throw at me? eventually they will just have to admit me.
-we officially scheduled our induction date for the 12th of May if she doesn't come on her own before then.
- i'm just glad that she wasn't born on May 4th -national star wars day- "may the fourth be with you"
- at our last ultrasound (38.5 weeks) she was measuring 6 pounds 10 oz. a very healthy weight. but still on the small side so we don't think we will need to do a c-section. hopefully she will stay under that 7 pound mark until i get her out.
- i am in a much happier and patient place than i was in this post, i have learned a lot about myself these past few weeks, i have also learned that there's usually a reason for things, and garrison got strep throat a few days ago, so it was a good thing that he dealt with that with the baby safe in my belly instead of worrying about her catching that terrible sickness at only a few days old.
-i am a big planner and have a very hard time letting things go when they aren't in my control. this pregnancy has tested me more than anything else in my entire life, it has easily been my hardest trial to date. i feel like it has just been one concern or another for the entire 9 months. from placenta previa, (which resolved itself) to loosing too much weight from terrible morning sickness, to confusing due dates since our conception date and her measurements never added up, to baby measuring big, then small, then big again, me not gaining enough weight, and all of the other things i mentioned earlier like uti's, contractions, and blood pressure. BUT... we've gotten through it all, and right now, regardless of the issues we have had to deal with earlier, things are looking up. we are in a good place to deliver this baby girl, and thank goodness none of the issues have turned into anything serious so far. it's been a looong ride, and all of these worries have not made the trip seem any shorter. but it's practically over and i can almost smell her already we're so close to having her in our arms.

38 Weeks

I seriously cannot even believe i am writing this blog post. Am i seriously thirty eight weeks?? since i delivered bayli at 37 weeks i have never been this pregnant before and boy is it driving me crazy. i am SO done. mentally i'm convinced this is how people feel when they go past their due date since i always assumed i would deliver around the same gestation age as bayli. i am basically angry and negative all the time and my emotions are on edge. i cannot fathom how much worse i will be if i have to wait until 40 weeks to have this baby girl.

i have been contracting daily for the past two weeks, on a couple occasions we've gone in to the hospital because they were coming on so strongly only to be sent home after monitoring for a few hours because the contractions aren't dilating me, they are just painful. yay. the nurses explained that this condition even has a name: "prodromal labor" (more on it here and here.) the nurses feel so bad for me, but there's nothing they can do besides offer some intense narcotics that i have so far avoided taking. but they are tempting... sooo tempting.

every night, and sometimes in the afternoon's too i have a few good hours where my contractions are 5-2 minutes apart (depending on the day), and way more painful than contractions i ever felt with Bayli because i got my epidural pretty early into her labor process. the contractions feel like my belly is a basketball that is being pumped up with too much air, and with every contraction i'm positive that if the pressure increases any further i will literally split down the middle. then after a minute or more, the break comes when the contraction finally stops, and i feel sore and breathless, like i've just done the most hard core workout, and then throbbing pain... down there. and then it's time to pump me with air again. i just cannot believe that after all of these days and hours of contractions i am still only dilated to a 1.5

i told garrison this morning that i genuinely don't think she will ever come out. i know that logically it's impossible. she HAS to come out eventually. we've only got two more weeks to go before the dr will physically take her out if he has to. but none of that is clicking in my head right now, all i can think about is how she's still in there, and will stay there forever. each day growing a bit bigger, and each night hurting a bit more. and of course there is the ever-glooming threat of c-section if she gets big enough that i explained in my last belly update.

i'm not in a happy place.

for example: we do a weekly ritual of asking the Young Women in my church before our lesson begins what something positive, and something negative from that week was. when it was my turn i genuinely could not come up with a single positive thing. how pathetic. seriously my attitude needs an adjustment and i know it.

basically my prayers at night go something like this:
"father, bless this baby to he healthy and strong, but not too strong... those kicks have been hurting recently, and bless her to grow, just not too big cause eventually i need to get her out, and my organs are feeling very claustrophobic right now, bless me to be able to sleep tonight so that i can have the strength to hopefully push her out tomorrow. i know that most people probably pray to take their contractions and pain away, but i'm ok with that, as long as they are actually doing something. i promise to be good if you will just let them be contractions that work. oh, and bless my water to break so that i won't have to be confused about when it's the real thing or not. amen."

i need to be finished with this post now before i continue any further down this path of negativity. but basically... if you need me, you can either find me at the hospital checking to see if this time it's actual labor pains, or "curb walking" around the entire city of Orem, or laying in my bed, eating the leftover cadbury mini eggs, crying, feeling bad for myself.

Have a great week! Hopefully my next post has a completely different vibe to it, and baby pictures, lots of baby pictures.

34 weeks

this is gonna be another long one folks.

i have been doing pregnancy updates with this pregnancy, and they have been fun and a good way to track things but i also feel like the questions (how much weight gain? maternity clothes or no? belly button in or out, etc) don't really explain what's happening. my nerves, and the new complications and unexpected pleasantries that come with each new week. so... im gonna stray from the usual questions, and instead, just let it all out this week.

first the basics:

-due date: may 18th

-i currently weight 133, the baby is about 5 pounds now, and the size of a cantaloupe.

-i am still in my normal clothes, and the belly button hasn't popped yet, i figured that would have happened weeks ago, but nope. 

-i am dealing with braxton hicks on a daily basis, but they aren't too intense yet, and usually they are more bearable than when she gets in one of her kicking/moving fits. those often hurt worse.

-speaking of movement... at any given time, i can tell you if my baby is awake and active, or asleep. her movements are so obvious and huge! we can even tell which body part is kicking or moving most of the time. hiccups are happening all the time, at least twice a day. she is ALWAYS awake around noon, and 9:30-11:00 at night. i'm worried she won't be a good sleeper like bayli was because i swear this girl is always awake and moving... and so much stronger than bayli was too, it's kinda comical because we called bayli our "little kickers' so i guess this one is our "big kickers"?
-sleep is becoming a problem. i usually fall asleep around 11:30, and then wake up around 3:30 because of a dream, or needing to pee, or bayli, or the dog, or the wind making some kind of noise. then i'm up till 5 because i can't go back to sleep. finally i'll fall asleep from 5-7:30 when we usually get up.
-about 2 weeks ago i woke to an extremely painful charlie horse cramp in my right calf. i was screaming, and yelling at garrison to try and fix it because i couldn't move to try and rub it or stretch it out. it bruised, and i was sore and had a limp for 2 days. well, the same thing happened last night, except on my left calf. this time i recognized what was happening and although i still woke freaking out and asking garrison for help, i could at least formulate words this time, and he knew what was happening as well, so hopefully this one won't be as hard of a recovery. stupid charlie horses.

-we had a dr's appointment yesterday where we talked about the labor and delivery side of things for the first time, and i got both more anxious, and relieved at the same time. most of the time i feel like i am huge, and uncomfortable, and ready to get this baby out already. and then the other part of me isn't ready to face reality yet... getting the baby out is really just the beginning. 

So... let's talk about "getting the baby out"

at my dr's appointment we decided that i ultimately have two things to worry about. the size of baby, and my toxemia, (or preeclampsia) coming back again. i have my list of symptoms to recognize if my toxemia comes back, and i get my blood pressure tested frequently. so... for now we just wait and see if it comes or not. as of right now i am doing good in that department, blood pressures of 140/90 after the 37th week get admitted and induced, that's too high of blood pressure. i am at 110/75ish as of lately. which is great.

as far as the size of baby, we have some interesting conflictions... because of how small my hips are, and how difficult it was for me to deliver even my tiny, 5 pound 4 oz bayli, the drs know that if i had to deliver a larger baby (6.5 pounds or bigger) it would need to be via c-section. and if i don't have to get induced at 37 weeks like i did with bayli... most likely this baby will become larger than 6.5 pounds with the extra time spent in the womb. 

but... on the flip side, i have not gained as much weight as i did with bayli. i have only gained 5 pounds, and am currently smaller in weight than i was when i was this far along with bayli. and they were worried about me gaining enough with her as well. so... the dr's are worried that the baby might not be doing well in there. she might not be getting all the nutrients she needs to grow properly, and the only fix for that is getting her out, and if that's the case they would induce me at 37 weeks. 

at my next appointment (36 weeks) we are doing an ultrasound to measure the size of baby to see one... if she is growing normally and we might need to schedule a c-section later on, and two... if she is small and if that "small" is small enough to worry about and need to get induced at 37 weeks. 

all of this is bittersweet. basically i am either growing a totally healthy baby, and have a totally healthy pregnancy, but will need to have a c-section at 39 weeks if she doesn't come on her own earlier. or, my baby is too small, or my blood pressure get's too high, and i have to get induced at 37 weeks to fix the situation, but i would probably be able to deliver her vaginally. 

of course we are hoping for the best, and the "best" option is a healthy baby, even if that means a c-section, and a few more weeks of being pregnant.

as of now, we are just waiting to have the ultrasound, and then we will have a little better idea of how this labor will play out, and how the baby is doing. so. the date's i have marked in my calendar are april 28th (the day of my 37 week appointment, which is when i would get induced if there are complications) or may 11th (the day i would have my elective induction/c-section scheduled at 39 weeks) and of course, there's still the option that we go into labor on our own like normal people. and if that's the case, there's no way of knowing when that would happen. :)

leave it to me to try and plan the "un-plannable"!

Pregnancy Update: 32 weeks

the baby is now about 4 pounds and the size of a coconut.

I currently weigh 132, which is only one pound more than when i was this far along with bayli (here's the post with bayli when i was 32 weeks along if you like comparisons.)

my nightly contractions have subsided, and some days i don't even have a single braxton hick, it's awesome. since those have calmed down, i am dealing with less pain, now my pain usually comes from hip and lower back pain, and stomach aches/heartburn after eating too much, or laying down immediately after eating or drinking.

we are still tracking my blood pressure really closely and it is continuing to go up slightly, but not too high for us to start getting concerned, or put me on bedrest yet, so that's good too.

we have taken everything out of the attic that the baby will need and have finally finished cleaning it all, our bags are packed, and the car seat is clean and in the car. as much as i can feel "ready" for this little girl, i do. we even have her name picked out finally!! (you'll have to wait till she's born before we share it)

Bayli is so excited to be a big sister and she is being so sweet, doing things like kissing and singing to my belly and truly preparing to be my little helper. we are still trying to perfect the concept of being quieter during specific times of the day, but once the baby is actually here i hope that will be an easier concept for her to grasp.

Pregnancy Update 29 weeks

How Far Along: 29 weeks

Food Comparison: size of a butternut squash

Total Weight Gain: 6 pounds, i now weigh 131

Maternity Clothes?:not yet.

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? sleep is my best friend. i feel as exhausted in the evenings as i was in the first trimester! i could nap anytime, anywhere. and in the mornings, i absolutely love just lying there, it's almost like i don't feel pregnant. no hip pain, usually she isn't awake and kicking yet, and with my bump covered underneath the sheets, hidden from view. it's like i have my body back for just a moment. 

Movement? all day, every day. it's been so fun watching her move too!

Gender? Girl.

Lactating? yup.

Food Cravings? chicken, salads, and eggs.

Labor Signs? thankfully i'm still not dilated or effaced. but i've been contracting daily. one night  last week it got really bad and i had to go to the hospital because they were more intense than usual and coming every 4 minutes for about 4 hours. turns out i had a uti which was causing the contractions, but after getting some drugs for the uti, taking it easy and some mild bed rest those stopped. now we're back to the usual contractions, but about 20-30 minutes apart, only in the evenings, and not too painful, so it's fine. 

New Info From Doctor? i had to take the glucose test last week to check and see if i had gestational diabetes, and things are looking good! no diet for me! now that my uti is all cleared up things are looking great. we are in the third trimester and just waiting for her to get bigger so that we can meet her!

also, we went on a "last vacation" to st. george (hence the red rock in the photos this week) and had a wonderful time. we drove around, and visited with family, and checked out the antique stores, and truly had the best time enjoying this stage while we are still a family of 3. it's not the "babymoon" i had planned, but with these contractions, i didn't want to do anything too far away, so it turned out to be just right. and you guys, while it was snowing up in orem, i was getting a sunburn at the park with my family, there's nothing better.

Here's the link to when i was 30 weeks along with Bayli, for comparison's sake. 

Pregnancy Update 24 weeks

How Far Along: 24 weeks... we went to the dr's today for our routine check up, and we moved my due date back. so... i was originally due on the 7th of may, now it's the 18th. so... even though my last pregnancy update post was at "22 weeks" it was about a month ago. yay for being confusing, and yay for having to wait another two weeks to meet our little one.

Food Comparison: size of an ear of corn

Total Weight Gain: 2 pounds, i now weigh 127

Maternity Clothes?: nope, but there is for sure a baby bump! even my big baggy shirts won't hide it anymore. 

Stretch Marks? nope

Sleep? sleep has been great. it takes me a while to wind down at the end of the night, i can't just crash into bed like i used to. but sleep has been so nice. 

Movement? she's so strong! i just recently found out that with bayli, the placenta was right in the front of my belly, so i wasn't feeling her movements as much as i am with this baby girl. i can just watch her move beneath my shirts, which didn't happen with bayli until around 32 weeks. at night i have to be patient and wait for her to settle down before i can fall asleep, if not it would be like trying to fall asleep with someone constantly tapping you on the shoulder!

Gender? Girl. for sure. we did another ultrasound today and are positive!

Lactating? yup. i started about a week ago, mostly just at nights. im gonna have to start wearing a breast pad to sleep soon. 

Food Cravings? none. literally. i'm back to not wanting to eat anything. not because of nausea, but instead because i know that contractions will probably start after eating like usual.

Labor Signs? still contracting pretty frequently. it's not every single night, but 5 out of 7 nights a week i'd say. they are still about 15 minutes apart, and will calm down once i rest, so unless they start getting less than 10 minutes apart, and won't stop even after relaxing then i need to go in to the hospital. 

New Info From Doctor? we were worried about her size, and the location of the placenta. after the ultrasound today, we can proudly say that her placenta has moved 4 cm out of the way, and it looks like it will continue to move out of the way as she grows! yay! also... she's still measuring small, but we just moved the due date up and are going to let nature take it's course. the dr said shes not continuing to decline in her growth compared to other babies so he's no longer worried. i started randomly "seeing stars" which is an indication of high blood pressure, which is what caused them to induce me early with bayli, so we are going to keep a close eye on that, and hopefully it doesn't get worse.

when we were at the ultrasound appointment today we had the coolest experience! i came in at 8:30 which is when i would usually still be in bed, but the technician started doing the measurements, and checking things out and the baby was being so still and letting her do her job very easily, then when the time came to look at her profile, she started waking up, we watched her yawn and stick her tongue out just like bayli would do as a new baby, and then rub her eyes, and then she started kicking and punching and moving around like usual. it was just so sweet to watch her do something so... newborn still inside the womb.

Here's the link to when i was 23 weeks along with Bayli for comparison's sake.

Nesting

when i was this far along with bayli, garrison and i were living with my parents, in between apartments. our lease was up with our first apartment, and the next apartment wasn't ready for us quite yet. i started getting so anxious because i knew we would need to do quite a few home improvements on our next apartment before it would be ready for baby, and i just had a feeling that she would make her arrival early. when we finally got the apartment, we rushed to get the home improvements done, and then finally the day came when we were no longer using the nursery as a storage room and so i could finally sort through all of the hand-me-downs, gifts, and purchases i had made for our new baby. that nursery got set up speedy quick and it instantly became my favorite room in the house.

well, we are not moving or in-between houses this time around. and once we found out that we were having a girl, and realized that i already had all my girl supplies from when bayli was a baby... my desire to sort through them all, and clean them, and picture a new little life form growing and developing in them became something i couldn't stop. needless to say my "nesting" urge came on quickly.

over the Christmas break Garrison took some time off work and he helped me get all of the baby supplies down from the attic, set up the crib, organize the closet, and even built some extra shelves inside the closet for extra organization... he sure knows the way to my heart.

we still have just a few of the big things stored in the attic like the high chair, breast pump and bottles, and some of the larger floor toys. but besides that, everything has been sorted and organized and stored away in the nursery ready for our new little arrival. sadly, my nesting is complete.

we started the process early so that we could get Bayli ready for her sister with a better concept of what life would be like. we have a little stuffed piggy whose name has now been changed to "baby sister" that will randomly need to be swaddled, and played with, and read to, and sung lullabies to, and rocked to sleep, etc. we are using this time to teach bayli that certain toys and diapers and blankets are only for her baby sister and that she can't play with them. that she can't put anything in the crib, and that she can't climb on or into the crib. during her nap time we will say "you don't have to take a nap if you don't want to, but baby sister is sleeping (as we lovingly refer back to the swaddled pig "sleeping" in the crib) so you have to be quiet. if you're too loud you will have to go into time out." little things like this have made a huge impact on both getting her excited, and more prepared to be a big sister and mommy's little helper.

with this mindset of knowing that Bayli will be involved in the daily chores of having a new baby, we decided we wanted to store the baby's clothes, diapers, toys, etc in a way so that Bayli could reach them, and easily access the items to help me out. i didn't want them to be in a dresser that was out of her reach, or that i worried she might tip over. i didn't want them tucked away in the closet because by some miracle she still hasn't figured out how to open doors yet, and i wanted them stored in containers so that she could easily see what items were inside.

so... at target they had their large metal baskets on sale for 10.00, and those small white baskets in their "one stop" for 3.00. i used an old TV stand we already owned as a make shift dresser, and stored the items away! if you really want to know the organizational breakdown of the containers, i have the clothes, socks, and hats stored in the red bin, the blankets/swaddles in the silver bin, and the diapers and diaper creams in the yellow bin. in the three smaller white bins i have one for books, one for toys, and one for burp cloths, bibs, and washcloths. the bigger bulkier blankets and extra crib sheets are stored in the closet, along with the bigger toys that won't fit in a basket, and the boxes of clothing in the next bigger size.

just like in our old apartment, the nursery has quickly become my favorite room of the house and i find myself sitting on the rocking chair starring at my two littles' beds and just can't help but get exited and fall more in love with both of them. i just can't wait until that swaddled piggy is actually a baby! 3.5 more months!!

Baby Update (22 weeks)

more frequently than i ever imagined, garrison and i have been looking through this silly little blog of ours to reminisce about what life was like back when i was pregnant the first time and when bayli was a newborn. i had no clue at the time how much i would LOVE the fact that i documented all of those things. i really was doing it mostly for my extended family, i knew that someday i would look back on these posts, but i had no clue that "someday" would be a few short years later.

because of this new appreciation i have for documenting the little things... that is one of my goals for 2015. to blog more, even if it means short, semi-useless posts. if i were trying to gain more followers, then the blogging big wigs would tell me "not to post anything that isn't share-able and pinterest worthy", but if im doing it for me, then i say "go and do!" 

being pregnant with number two has left me nervous and anxious about so many things. one of which is how to make this new baby girl feel as special and important as we have made bayli feel. for example, i posted a picture of bayli every single day on this blog for her first month. i doubt i would have done that with this kid had i not recently looked through those pictures of bayli and remembered. our lives were, and have been, centered around bayli. how can i make our lives centered around two different individuals? i know that there's no way to have two firstborns, but raising firstborns is what i know how to do. how do you do this second born thing? 

anyway. because i haven't figured out the perfect plan, and i want our new baby to feel as special as bayli. i am going to try to blog, and take pictures of our new little one both individually and as a sister during her first few months at least. i would love to also do the "day by day" series that i did with bayli's first month, and posting frequently on instagram of both of them. 

this means a whole lot more posts, and i know i will have a whole lot less time. so that equation doesn't balance out nicely but that's the plan regardless.

for updating's sake... let's start tracking this pregnancy a little better... whadaya say?

How Far Along: 22 weeks

Food Comparison: size of a spaghetti squash (1 pound)

Total Weight Gain: 1 pound (i started out at 135, lost 10 pounds during my first trimester due to extreme morning sickness and now weigh 126)

Maternity Clothes?: nope but by the end of the night, my pants totally have to be unbuttoned cause my lower abdomen get's extra sensitive and sore. 

Stretch Marks? no new ones, just the ones bayli left behind.

Sleep? i slept like a rock for 12-14 hours nightly with my first pregnancy (literally). this time around i am getting up twice at night to pee or because of a nightmare and have a really hard time falling back asleep once i've woken. i probably get 7 hours a night. which is about 3 hours less than i'd prefer. still can't nap.

Movement? i have been able to feel her every single day since we were 18 weeks along. she's very active and loves to stretch!

Gender? Girl

Lactating? not yet. i started lactating at 14 weeks with bayli (way early) and luckily this time around i haven't started yet.

Food Cravings? salty foods, and salads. i hate the taste of sweet things. i have disliked sugar this entire pregnancy so far.

Labor Signs? actually... yes. one week ago i started contracting everyday, just in the evenings for a few hours until i fell asleep. contractions were about 10-15 minutes apart and got better once i rested. this same thing happened with bayli, but it didn't start until i was about 26 weeks pregnant, and lasted until i delivered her at 36 weeks.

New Info From Doctor? the placenta is lower than they would like and so we will be tracking it as she grows to see if it moves out of the way so that i can have a vaginal delivery. the dr says that most often it moves out of the way as she grows, but if not... then i would need to have a c-section. she is also measuring about 2 weeks smaller than most. this could be because of the low placenta, or just because i make small babies, either way they are tracking that as well via more frequent ultrasounds, if she continues to grow slowly, then they will induce me early and start feeding her on a controlled schedule with breastmilk. they are minor problems, but things to keep an eye on. nothing serious.

Here's the link to my first few weeks of belly shots when i was pregnant with bayli if you'd like to compare. :)

since i haven't done any of these baby updates before... here's my first belly bump picture that i took at 18 weeks to use as a reference.

It's A Girl!!!

I cannot believe i am typing that title again! If you follow me on instagram then you probably already know that Bayli has been positive that this baby was a girl from the very beginning. Garrison and I both were hoping for a boy, but her enthusiasm for a sister has been very easy to catch. We had our 20 week ultrasound (halfway!!) last saturday and all is looking healthy and happy with our little miss.

so here's the story of how we shared the news with our family.

In order to get our ultrasound done before christmas then there was only one time slot available... right in the middle of my families christmas party. so... i told a few lies -like how they weren't able to get us in before christmas-, and on the day of the party, we came over, helped set up, i drank my million bottles of water that they require for the ultrasound so your bladder is nice and full, hung out with the family some more, and then sneaked out of the house when no one was looking. I told my sister-in-law what we were doing so that in case they freaked out or something she could do damage control for us while we were gone. :)

at the appointment, the technician started out by looking at the placenta, the baby's organs, and brain. very amazing and intriguing stuff, but not necessarily "cute." then she started looking at the baby's face, lips, and profile. during this time, even though at this point i was still hoping for a boy, for some reason when i looked at my baby's face i just couldn't help but think she was "beautiful" ...not handsome. "beautiful." which should have been my first clue. anyway, then the time finally came to find out the gender. the technician got a nice clear shot and said, "see those three lines? that means..." and typed on the screen "GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!" garrison and i freaked out a bit while bayli continued to play whatever game she was playing, and then we were driving home getting ready to see the family.

our family does a big white elephant exchange, so in the car, i put away the blue duck ornament, and wrapped up the pink baby duck ornament. this was going to be one of our white elephant gifts. we got to the party, apologized for being gone and then continued talking with everyone like normal. by some miracle, we broke tradition and did the gift exchange first. our little brown box, all tied up with string, was one of the few still sitting there in the pile of presents when it was my mothers turn to open a present. She grabs the box, and my heart starts to flutter. garrison reaches for his phone to start recording... then she puts down the box and starts shaking some of the others, trying to pick. my emotions are already on edge as i go from excited, to nervous, and then deflated as she set the box down, but in the end she chooses the box and starts opening. garrison pushes record. She see's the ornament and starts laughing, probably thinking "well... i guess i should have traded for the toilet paper instead" (it really was a pretty ugly duck.) then my niece ask's "what is it??" and mom shows the rest of us what she had opened. it's my sister who first says "is this an announcement?" and at her words all of those emotions start flooding out of me through my tear ducts and i start nodding my head as the entire family turns their attention from my mother, to me, at the other end of the room. my sister yells "it's a girl?!?" and rushes over to give me a hug. my father sitting on the couch is just staring at me in awe, emotional but not letting it show, and my mother keeps shaking her head in disbelief saying "really? really?" garrison starts explaining that we had just come from the ultrasound appointment. and then it all becomes a blur. everyone's yelling, and laughing, and smiling, and surprised that we were able to pull it off, and that my mother of all people who happens to collect "special ornaments" from the memorable things in the year picked the box, and how now no one is allowed to steal the ugly duck from her, and proudly puts it on the center of the tree and gives me a hug.

all of the presents opened up after that seemed kind of lame.

basically, i am soooo excited for my little bayli to get a sister. sister's are the very best and i am so glad that bayli will have one close in age, just like me.

Thoughts.

i mentioned in my last post that everything with this pregnancy has been the opposite of what it was like when i was pregnant with bayli. the doctors and everyone always say "every pregnancy is different" but i thought that meant for each woman, not for each baby. so, after i found out we were expecting, i started noticing some of those typical pregnancy symptoms, but not typical for me, and i started getting very worried. for example, with bayli i never threw up. so when i started throwing up a few times everyday i thought "something must be wrong, i know some people say this is a normal part of pregnancy, but it's not normal for me so something must be wrong. my body must be rejecting the baby." the list goes on and on for things that were upsetting and different than my last pregnancy. but still, they were all "normal"

i know that we all follow different people on our social media accounts, but for some reason it seemed like as soon as we started trying to get pregnant, all of these bad things started happening to the pregnancies of women that i follow. miscarriages, still births, babies born with birth defects, babies dying after living only a few days or weeks, and even young children dying from sids, and other types of accidents. while there were of course the happy and healthy children born during this time, i counted them up and the negative greatly outweighed the positive on my feed.

because of these two things i really thought i was going to lose this baby. i thought that all of these women that i follow who were courageously and beautifully handling the trials that they were dealt with the hardships that come from pregnancy, i was learning and being prepared so that i would be able to do the same.

i wanted to wait until i was well into my second trimester to announce that we were pregnant because i just wanted to make sure.

so we waited.

and everything with the baby has turned out to be good so far. so we are thinking positively and it's finally starting to sink in; we are going to have this baby.

it's the weirdest thing being pregnant for the second time. i'm sure you've heard women say that "women must forget all of the pain that's associated with labor because if i had remembered, i wouldn't have gotten pregnant again." that's something i've heard multiple times from women who sit in my salon chair. while i think they are right, i've decided we forget more than just the labor pain. i always thought that all of the studying, and learning, and feelings, of being pregnant would come back to me instantly once i was pregnant again for the second time. nope. i vaguely remember the birthing class we went to, i kinda remember some of the things i studied on the internet about pregnancy, and the feeling of bayli kicking inside of me is a touch that has been forgotten for a long time now. i didn't remember how crappy i felt in the mornings as i brushed my teeth. i didn't remember how exhausted i felt after working on my feet all day, i didn't remember going so many days without caring to brush my hair or do my makeup. but the thing is, it happened. i wrote about it on the blog all those years ago. because if you had asked me just a few weeks ago i would have told you "i never experienced that". the only proof i have is my own journal/blog entries from that time 3 years ago when i was going through this same thing for the first time. but the weird thing is that it feels like i am experiencing all of these things for the very first time all over again.

which makes me sooo nervous to become a parent again. because if i thought i had forgotten about what happened with my first pregnancy, i can tell you that i know i have forgotten even more about what it is like being the parent to a newborn.

we recently started watching video's of when bayli was a baby to show her what life with a baby will be like, and to teach her that she was once a baby too. the video's have helped so much. looking back i wish i had gotten more video's of bayli during those first precious few weeks. we took tons of pictures, but hardly any videos i guess because newborns just sit there. not much action or interest for a video but still, i wish... anyway, while the purpose was to show bayli what life would be like with a newborn, the videos have helped me start to remember what life will be like with a new baby.

how tiny they are, and how long it takes them to nurse, and the gross sponges of filled breast pads, and the worrying about every little thing, and the midnight feedings, and the mustard filled diapers that leak worse than anything, and the dried scab belly button that you can't get wet, and how still you want to lay on the bed or the couch so that you don't have to move the extra sensitive area that is trying so darn hard to heal and stop bleeding. and the going to the bathroom a million times to get rid of all the fluids they pumped into you from the iv. and the "don't make me laugh, i'll tear my stitches" and the breast pump. and the swaddling, and the house decontamination a million times over, and hand sanitizer, and the doctor check ups, and the legs that won't stay put in their sleepers- somehow they always came out and were snuggled up next to her belly- and the uncontrollable flailing of their limbs, and how sometimes she would wake herself up because she hit herself. and the "i can't eat chocolate because it gives her gas" and the strict scheduling of feedings and naps and play/awake time. and the multiple tellings of little children not to touch her eyes. and how my boobs always decided to leak whenever visitors came over. and clients wanting me to come back to work to do their hair again. and the laundry. and the thousands of photos. and the crying, sometimes for no reason. and watching a lot of tv. and you hysterically crying over the silliest things as your hormones balance back out again. and the stripper boobs that are hard and huge and oh so sore. and how slippery they are in the water. and the proudest look in their grandparents eyes as they hold them for the first time. and the lullabies, and the kisses, sooo many kisses.

and then they grow up and turn three.

this life is the craziest thing. and i sure don't have it figured out. and i'm still not even sure if this baby will make it, heck, i'm still not sure bayli will make it. i'm not sure about anything. but holding on to those memories, the ones that were once forgotten, but that are slowly coming back as i experience them all over again for a second time are so wonderful. i am as nervous as sin to bring kid number two into this family. but i am also so excited to see his or her new little face and tiny wrinkly bum and to feel my heart burst as it grows to the size it needs to be in order to completely and all consumingly love my two little children.

Number Two

Drawing this has been so fun for Bayli and I these past few days! she did her "painting" in her coloring books or with her watercolors, while i did mine. because i'm not showing yet, i think while coloring this has been the first time that "you're going to be a big sister" has really sunk in for her. saying things like "thats me! and that's dad, and that's you..." and i ask, "and where's the new baby?" "here!" as she proudly points to my tummy or the ultrasound picture she has in her hands. so cute. 

this pregnancy has been so hard for me, i have been sooo sick, i lost 11 pounds in one month during my first trimester. we almost had to give me an iv or feeding tube. doesn't that sound fun? Garrison and my family have been the biggest support for me through all this, but each day i am feeling a little bit better now that i am in my second trimester, i am just hopeful that this trend continues and eventually i feel as good as i felt when i was pregnant with Bayli. 

basically everything about this pregnancy has been the exact opposite of when i was pregnant with Bay. which leads everyone to think that i must be pregnant with a boy this time around, which we would be so happy if we were. but, in a month we will see! I am currently 16 weeks pregnant, and due in the beginning of May. Bayli came to us three and a half weeks early because i had preeclampsia. the doctors say that it's possible but not guaranteed that this pregnancy will follow suit. basically i am just so happy and excited, and nervous, and overwhelmed, and... all of the emotions. We are so excited to see bayli play her new role as big sister even more than she is already, and so excited for all of the changes that come with a family of FOUR. (typing that was so weird. caps were necessary) anyway, thank you so much for all your support on facebook and my instagram feed. we really are so excited to embark on this new chapter of our lives! 

Baby Diary: To-Do-List

(wrote on August 29th 2011)

-change insurance
-find hospital and doctor
-set up doctors appointment
-find out how far along we are
-start looking for a bigger house/apartment
-tell family/friends
-notify ward and landlord that we will be leaving
-finish "wedding quilt"
-start baby quilt
-put together puzzle to frame and put on wall in the nursery
-shopping!
-baby showers
-move
-a billion and a half doctors appointments
-figure out what to do about school/work

Baby Diary: finding a doctor

(wrote on August 31st 2011)

with the to-do-list mentioned in my last post. we've officially switched insurance (yay!) and next to check off the list is setting up my doctors appointment. i did that yesterday which is great! but, here's how i figured out how, and more importantly, who.

you first need to start listening to people when they complain or compliment their birthing experience. i find that this experience is not because of how beautiful the baby is, cause the baby no matter if their face is black and blue and misshapen is always beautiful. but... it comes from the facility, the nurses and the doctor. with those things in mind, because im a hairdresser i have heard alot of stories (good and bad) from my clients about their hospital experience. i do not think i will try to do a hypnobirth, home birth or waterbirth because its my first baby. so that leaves the good ol' hospital. we do not know where we will be living, so... by rumor alone, i have heard alot of really good things about the american fork hospital and they work with my new insurance company. next step. looking up their doctors. they have a few on the IHC website so i took a look at those, initially i wanted a girl just because i thought i would feel more comfortable.  but after looking the only girl mentioned had the least amount of experience, and so, my mind obviously changed. looking at the rest of the guys, my mind kept going back to this watabe guy, so... i showed the pictures and talked about where they went to school and how long they had been practicing with garrison and asked him who he felt the best about. he thought watabe too! his family has grown up with their family in the ward and so we kinda have a connection, also, he said "something just feels good about him" which is exactly how to explain my feelings. well, after telling my family i asked debbie who she went to with her 4 kids and which experience was the best. well... she had only good things to say about watabe too and had actually gone to him! i was floored. this was what i thought would be the hardest decision to make and it turned out to be the easiest! finally, once my mind was made up, i texted my friend that works at the af hospital and asked her who she would go with. she said watabe also. by this point i feel like im making an appointment with a celebrity! everyone knows him!! so, with that knowledge under my wings and every ounce of stress out of my head i called and set an appointment up with him.

september 12th at 9 in the morning! i can't wait!

Baby Diary: and the due date is...

(wrote on September 13th 2011)

After what felt like months of waiting. (but was really about 3 weeks) We finally have our answer. We are nine weeks and 4 days along. After measuring how big the little baby's head and bum are from the ultrasound it puts our due date at.... APRIL 12TH 2011! (which, if you know anything about my dad, he does taxes for a living. and april 12th is basically the busiest day of the entire year for him. so, he's making me promise to at least wait one week until the 19th. yeah, we will see how that goes.... instead. im just hoping that i can have the baby super early instead. we will see, thats not that good of a solution either. i just know that due dates change as you go throughout your pregnancy and so.... we will see.)

Happy Birthday Baby! (whenever you chose to come!)

Baby Diary: their language

(wrote on September 18th 2011)

1. http://www.youtube.com/user/DunstanBabySystem#p/u/5/w6CFSGAueyo
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=BktMMTA5ba8

I don't know what my baby will sound like when it cries because, no duh, it hasn't cried yet. but... in researching stuff about sleeping habits and being baby wise on the internet and others blogs, i found a link to this woman. Priscilla Dunstan. She made a dvd called "Dunstan baby language" which translates the cries of the baby. letting you know what they are saying. these youtube videos portray her tutorials without having to buy the dvd. i don't know if it works. but, if it does i would hate to forget about it! it only works from 0-3 months but, if combining this technique with the techniques of BW (on becoming Baby Wise) then most if not all of my eating. sleeping and crying issues should be solved by then. if not subdued.

in review: the "neh" sound is the sound for hunger
the "owh" sound is the sound for tired
the "air" or "eairh" sound means gas, or needs to be burped
and the "heh" sound means they are wet, or too hot or too cold. (uncomfortable)

Baby Diary: On Becoming Baby-Wise

(wrote on September 19th 2011)

Yay for grandma's! Grandma Loni has forever blessed this un-born childs life by giving me the gift of knowledge. :) there are a million books on pregnancy and babies and newborns and sleeping habits and nursing and furniture and blankets and... you get the point. basically every mom or dad, has produced in their eyes "the perfect kid" and has decided to tell the world about it by writing a book, or magazine article, or creating a youtube video, or making a blog or... you get this point too. but, i think i've found one that i hope will work for me. (well technically my mom found it)

The book is called "On Becoming Baby-Wise" and is usually referred to as BW in the blogging world. i've also found a blog that i've been obsessed with. it's written by a girl name Valerie who is mormon, and has three kids and her blog is so CRAMPACKED with knowledge that im sure if you wanted your kid to be an identical twin to one of her kids, if you follow her exact plans and suggestions you could swap babies without her even noticing. (http://www.babywisemom.com) deep down i might just like her so much because we have the same name, OR it might be because she has raised 3 kids -especially her last- sound like angels. her youngest only crying 2 times in her life before going to bed.... yeah. sounds like heaven. but, either way, this book combined with all the online resources, i think im going to be as ready as i can be before this baby comes.

thanks to Jami Hepwoth of howdyhepworths.com she has taught me that i can plan and prepare and envision exactly how my life and my babies life will be before they are born, but... ultimately, they are a child, with their own personality and preferences. i just need to make sure that i still act as the parent and teach them what to do but... if they need their special blanket, or binki, or have to be talked to in a special tone before they go to bed or whatever it is. each child is different and i will NOT be able to predict it, or in some instances, change it.

that being said.... i still have some plans that i hope i will be able to enforce and follow through with once this baby is born. and since i have already noticed that this baby is taking almost all of my brain cells, i need to write them down before i forget.

here's the plan as of late: (adjustments to plan are expected)
-i will not sleep with the baby in my bed when we come home from the hospital
-i will breast feed until it is 6-12 months old
-the outline i hope to use for sleep habits and feeding times comes from BW
-i also want to use the 4S technique from the baby whisperer
-i will let the baby CIO (cry it out) as stated in BW if necessary
-i hope to get my schedule down so well that i can go back to work a few weeks after labor
-garr plans on making a baby video monitor so that we can watch the sleeping baby from our phones
-even as our family expands and gets bigger we will sit next to each other in church, holding hands as always
-i hope to listen to my babies cries for the first three months as suggested by priscilla dunstan and see if that works.